Beware! It's the dreaded Poofle!
by Heslestor
Summary: DISCONTINUED See profile. There is a single creature in the world that even the darkest of Dark Lords are afraid of. One happens to meet Harry Potter and decides to tag along with him. Yaoi, HPLM. WIP
1. The pink monster

**Title:** Beware! It's the dreaded Poofle.

**Author:** Heslestor

**Disclaimer:** Yes, the Harry Potter world and everything in it is mine. beeeeep Damn, I thought Sev said that this would work. Ah, well rips wires of lie detector off Perhaps I'll just have to try something different next time.

**Summary:** There is a single creature in the world that even the darkest of Dark Lords are afraid of. One happens to meet Harry Potter and decides to tag along with him. Yaoi, Time Travel, HPLM. WIP

**Warnings:** Copious amounts of humour, messing with characters heads, some language, parselsmut, spoilers for all books, games, movies, etc, sarcasm, cynicism, lots and lots of extremely screwed up pairings (whether they're permanent or not is to be seen), even more biting, or at least attempted biting and disturbed dark lords.

**A/N:** My first fanfic ever :D. If you don't like slash or anything that's labeled in the above warning, then bugger off, I have no time for fools who don't know how to use a simple button.

**Chapter 1: The pink monster.**

Icy drops of rain fell on the assembled group of Death Eaters and one Boy-Who-Lived. Blood from various wounds mixed with the mud below as the sky above seethed like a living thing. Winds whipped the cool droplets into the huddled water logged figures. The stinging needles transform a refreshing shower into a maddening experience. Any creature hapless enough to be outside in the storm's clutches was left perfectly miserable. Forks of lightning and the random lumos were the only source of illumination. Creating a strobe light-like affect and disorienting the ensemble.

Harry had no idea how he came to be in this situation. All he remembered was deciding to take a walk outside, since he was sick of endlessly pacing the common room. Unable to sleep from the visions and dreams he received from the Snake-Faced-Bastard made him restless. No matter how little energy he had, it was difficult, and grating, to stay still for long.

Occlumency, his arse, it has only been getting worse since his renewed lessons in his 7th year.

Wandering aimlessly around the grounds, safely tucked under his invisibility cloak, hadn't proved to be the solution he thought it would. So he then made the impromptu decision to take a leisurely strole through the Forbidden Forest.

One of the more foolish things he's done to date. Including the ones, he didn't like to admit to himself. Now he was regretting ever coming out at all. Why, oh why couldn't he have just settled in front of the fire with a nice pile of homework? That History of Magic essay sure was looking good from here.

It hadn't been such a bad idea at first. The animals never really bothered him anymore. Well, there was the occasional talking spider that still tried to eat him. Which, ever since 2nd year, whenever he was remotely to close anything hairy with eight legs; he had the untameable urge to squish it. A habit that Ron encouraged whole-heartedly and even participated in with gusto.

The night had been peaceful and dark for a full moon, wall clouds hiding all light. This was all before the onslaught of rain. Leaving perfect conditions for sneaking around the castle grounds undetected.

Walking around the forest and taking in all the sounds and smells of a thriving wild land meant he hadn't been paying attention to where he was going. Or how far from the castle, and the wards, he had gone. After moving around a particularly large tree, Harry and the Death Eaters literally ran into each other. Proceeding to where he was now; laying on the ground, bleeding, and wand twirling in the fingers of the closest Death Eater.

"Well, well, well. Can you imagine our surprise to find The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die all alone in the middle of the Forbidden Forest? And to think, we had _just_ finished a meeting when we stumbled across each other." The one holding his wand gloated.

Harry could recognize that aristocratic drawl anywhere.

Lucius Malfoy.

"What, you're not going to honour us with a greeting? It has been such an awfully long time since we've last seen each other." Lucius sneered, drawing laughs from the others. "I, myself, am positively delighted to meet you here. It surely is a pleasure, dear Harry."

"Aren't you a little too close to Hogwarts for comfort? Or have one too many Crucios rotted the few brain cells you lot had left?" Harry snapped back, turning their laughs into snarls. "And for your information, I'd rather drink bubotuber puss than be anywhere near you."

"Ohhh, is the poor wittle one not happy to see us?" A voice cackled to the right of Malfoy. "All of us have been sooo looking forward to meeting you again. Especially after that Ministry incident in 5th year." Here the cooing voice turned into a low growl.

"Now, now, Bella, be nice to Harry." Lucius said, as if scolding her. "He is soon to be a guest of honour in the halls of our Lord and he must be presentable."

"I'm not going anywhere with you mangy lot. So you can just take that plan of yours and shove it." Harry yelled, jumping up from where the ground.

"Unfortunately, the guest doesn't have a choice in the matter." Lucius said as he stalked toward Harry. "Besides, it would greatly disappoint our Lord it you were---"

"Chirrup."

Malfoy froze in mid-step as everyone went into defence mode. No one knew what the noise herald for them. And in this dark place, even the most innocent of sounds could mean an ugly death. Some of the Death Eaters looked around desperately, their inexperience showing. They wanted to identify the source so they could deal with it, take care of Potter, and get the hell out of here. Malfoy stared hard at Potter, thinking it was his doing. However, Harry just stood there, as mystified as the others and praying this would be his chance to escape.

After all was quiet, the Death Eaters brushed it off as nothing important. Malfoy had opened his mouth to speak again when he closed it with a snap, nearly biting his tongue. Hopping out in front of Harry and making a chirping noise was a creature that resembled a pink ball of fuzz. Everyone stared at the thing in astonishment as it took a good long look at Harry, antenna twitching in a questioning manner. Having no idea what it wanted, all Harry could do was gape back at it. A stare more piercing than a hippogryph's rooted him to the spot.

Apparently satisfied with whatever was found, it turned to look at the frozen Death Eaters. Staring at each like it had done with Harry. Unfamiliar with what it was, Harry wondered what the strange creature wanted, and hoped that it wasn't sizing them all up for a meal. Then all hell broke loose.

"Beware! It's the dreaded poofle!" One Death Eater shrieked and promptly ran away; face first, into a tree.

This caused a chain reaction: First, the Death Eaters running around like chickens with their heads cut off; Second, Malfoy roaring orders in vain; Third, Harry watching in confusion; and lastly, the poofle becoming more agitated with each passing second. Trying to puff up despite its wet fur, the poofle charged at the Death Eaters. This caused even more panic as the fearsome wizards ran away in terror from a big ball of pink fluff. Lestrange and Malfoy were the only ones who remained remotely calm. However, even they gave a wide berth to the poofle whenever it came near them.

Seeing his wand laying forgotten on the ground, Harry lunged forward and managed to seize it before anyone could stop him. Lucius saw this and quickly attempted to remedy the problem. Just as his fingers closed around Harry's robe, the poofle jumped between them. Fear flickered through his eyes as Lucius slowly backed away from it, ignoring Harry and everyone else. Other Death Eaters began to settle down somewhat and started to think rationally. Then they tried to attack Harry.

Keyword: tried.

Whenever one of the Death Eaters got anywhere near Harry, the poofle would leap between them and chase the offenders away. If they attempted to use a wand, the poofle would only charge them. This made the ones nearby scatter and sent the others nearby running. This created a slew of misfired spells. As magic flew through the air, colliding with one another, they had very strange effects on the surrounding environment. Take that pissed off duck in black robes, for example. Or, the purple talking tree that was clutching a Death Eater to its bosom.; telling him she would love, love, love him forever and ever.

"I think we may have run into a major problem here, Bella." Lucius whispered to her from their hiding spot behind a bush.

"Really, now how could you have ever guessed that?" Bella snarled as madness and anger flashed in her eyes.

"It's worse than you think. I'm afraid to admit."

"What! You, afraid to admit something? It could only be that bad if the poofle . . . wait . . . it can't be. Please say it isn't." Bellatrix pleaded desperation now the only emotion in her.

Lucius nodded gravely. "It looks like the poofle has Chosen Harry Potter. And you know what that means."

Bellatrix merely whimpered, looking around with wild eyes. "But . . . do you know how hard it will be to approach the brat now? Let alone kill him!" She snapped pacing around with jerky movements.

"At the moment, the only thing we can do is inform our Lord. He will not like this one bit, but it would be better if we told him first. Hopefully, he'll be more lenient once he learns why we failed. Now let's get out of here before we're bitten by that thing."

"But . . . our Lord will be angry and He shouldn't be. We're supposed to make Him happy." Bellatrix said to no one, a lost look on her face as she disapparated away. Muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'Bad Bella, we must punish ourselves.'

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Well, what did everyone think of my first attempt at fanfiction? Comments, flames, questions are all welcomed. Have any ideas you would like to see in this fic? Tell me and they may just show up in here. I need the ideas as my muses sometimes run dry on me for months at a time. I'd like to hear all your opinions on my story.

Heslestor


	2. The pink chew toy attacks!

**A/N:** I got reviews! I can't believe it. Well, to satisfy some of your curiosity I'll give you a hint as to why everyone is so scared of the poofle. Its bite affects the emotions of the one bitten. Now, that should be a big hint for the more astute ones out there. As for the poofle itself; imagine a ball of pink fuzz the size of a softball two puppy dog blue eyes with antennae coming out of its head and that's what it looks like.

And, yes this is going to be a humor fic with major OOCness on the characters' parts. If you don't like the idea of a silly Lucius then get out of here and find another one.

Anyway, here's the next chapter, and don't expect me to update so quickly as I like to stay at least one chapter ahead of the one posted.

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_Previously:_

_"But . . . our Lord will be angry and He shouldn't be. We're supposed to make Him happy." Bellatrix said to no one, a lost look on her face as she disapparated away. Muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'Bad Bella, we must punish ourselves.'_

**Chapter 2: The pink chew toy attacks.**

To say Lucius Malfoy was pissed off was an understatement if there ever was one. He had managed to leave a Death Eater meeting without punishment, a rare occurrence these days. He had the pleasure of 'playing' with a few muggles afterward. All of his plans were going smoothly. Then they had stumbled across a practically defenseless Golden Boy all by himself. Now all this happened.

He really needed to go home and have a nice bubble bath.

Meanwhile, in all of the turmoil, Harry managed to shoot red sparks high into the air. The biggest firecracker explosion he could make, signaling for help. In the process, thanks to training from the Weasley Twins, waking up most of the Northern Hemisphere. Then, when Malfoy was _finally_ getting everything under control again, help arrived.

Damn, this really wasn't his day.

At the front of the Hogwarts Welcoming Brigade was none other than Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. In all his rainbow pajama and fuzzy bunny slippered glory. With eyes sparkling, power radiating from him and a very bad case of bed head; he was a scary and slightly disturbing sight.

Oh, my.

Both Death Eaters and Harry stood dumbfounded at the sight before them. For the first time they were able to see the entire faculty in their nightwear all at once. Another first was that both Dark Wizards and Golden Boy were in agreement with each other. Mainly they wished for anything to make the scene before them disappear. Preferably a stray Obliviate, or two, or fifty. This momentary lapse in action allowed the Hogwarts teachers to get the first strike. Quickly getting over their surprise, though not their burned retinas, the Death Eaters retaliated. Soon the air filled with multi-colored spells and the smell of burnt ozone.

Every time Harry tried to reach one of the teachers, the havoc of battle interfered. The poofle wasn't helping any either. It would charge all beings that came too close to Harry, enemy and friend alike. Giving up on that strategy, Harry decided to find his own way to the school. While at the same time, he attempted to take out as many Death Eaters as possible.

Weaving his way in and out of the trees and groups of fighters, Harry went back in the general direction of Hogwarts. He had just left the vicinity of the main skirmish when he tripped over something soft. Looking down Harry found his legs suddenly ended at his knees. Untangling himself from the material, he was ecstatic to see his prized possession. After the Death Eaters had thrown away his invisibility cloak, he had been afraid he'd never see it again.

Swinging it over his shoulders, he started off again. The poofle still following him, some how able to see him even with the cloak on. The sounds of battle faded to almost nothing as Harry went around a rather massive tree and, yet again, he ran head first into something solid and warm; and very, very wet.

Crashing to the ground Harry found himself sprawled on top on none other than Lucius Malfoy.

Emerald stared into silver in disbelief, while silver stared in confusion at the treetops for a heartbeat. Then Harry scrambled to his feet, wand pointed at the man before him. Silver eyes locked onto the floating wand and hand since it was the only thing visible.

"So we meet again, Potter. How lucky for me." Lucius snarled swiftly rising to his feet and drawing his own wand. "We can finish what we started earlier without that pet Headmaster of yours coming to the rescue."

In the time, it took Harry to think of a proper retort a blur of pink flashed by him and went directly at Malfoy. Lucius' eyes widened in terror as he strived to shield himself from the puffball. Nothing seemed to work. It passed through shielding spells as if they weren't there and dodged hastily thrown curses. Harry watched in amazement as the poofle whirled around Malfoy and tried, unsuccessfully, not to laugh at the image they made. Lucius literally backed into a corner as the poofle continued to harass him unmercifully. When he noticed Harry clutching his sides in laughter, he lost it.

"And what, precisely, do you find so funny, Potter?" Lucius growled looking in the direction of the half-visible wizard.

Distracted as he was, Malfoy left a large opening in his defense. Seeing the opportunity, and taking full advantage of it, the poofle charged straight at Malfoy's face. Irritation turned to surprise and then dread when Lucius wasn't able to block the attack. Diving under Malfoy's robes the poofle disappeared. And all was still as Malfoy impersonated a statue for all of one second. Then he started squirming like a dog trying to scratch his back on the floor. Desperately he tried to locate the puffball that was dangerously close to his skin. Abruptly, Lucius froze and paled to an alarming shade of white. A moment later the poofle emerged, a little rougher for wear, from the wizard's cloak and returned to Harry's side. Where it trilled triumphantly and puffed up even bigger than ever.

"Damn thing bit me." Lucius said quietly, eyes distant and glassy.

Gathering some of his wits, Harry did the only thing that came to his distracted mind.

"Stupefy!"

The spell shot towards Lucius and hit him square in the chest. Abruptly he crumpled to the ground in a heap of dark robes. Harry guardedly approached the fallen wizard and nudged the body with his toe. Perched on his shoulder, the poofle wore a very smug look on its face.

"Okay, what did you do to Malfoy and why is everyone so scared of you?" Harry asked the innocent looking creature.

The poofle only stared at him in bafflement and swung its antenna back and forth in an 'I have no clue' sort of way.

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That's it for now and it'll probably be a while for the next as finals are coming up and I doubt I'll have any time to write for who knows how long. Tell me what you think. Remember, reviews keep us authors well fed and writing happily. Again, ideas for the story are welcomed. I like to keep the readers motivated to read and review.

Heslestor


	3. Just one of those days

**A/N**: Since it's been such a long time from the last update I'll make this chapter even longer than the last one. Right now my muses and I are having a bit of a misunderstanding. They want to go on vacation (already have actually) and I need them to work on my stories. Therefore, until they return from where ever they went, I'm stuck with a writer's block. On ALL of my stories. Well one stayed but he's the angst muse and this is a humor story and I'm just going crazy until they all return if that's all right with everyone?

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_Previously:_

_"Okay, what did you do to Malfoy and why is everyone so scared of you?" Harry asked the innocent looking creature._

_The poofle only stared at him in bafflement and swung its antenna back and forth in an 'I have no clue' sort of way_

**Chapter 3: Just one of those days**

Harry was staggered at the carnage the poofle could do to those it attempted to bite. Minutes passed like this, with the poofle purring contentedly on his shoulder and him staring at nothing in particular. When one of the poofle's antennas perked up at something, only it could perceive. It then puffed up like an angry cat and started growling at a spot behind Harry. Whirling around, Harry clutched his cloak even tighter to himself. Making sure the cloak covered everything this time. Wand held tightly to his chest, Harry prayed only a passing, harmless, animal that had set the poofle off.

A continuous series of crashes was heard, growing ever closer to their hiding spot with each passing moment. Then, with a final loud smash, the Headmaster burst through the bushes. Wand raised high, scorched pajamas, and sticks stuck in his beard, he was a welcomed sight indeed. Hard blue eyes swept over the area, first landing on the prone wizard then landing on a floating pink puffball. (Hmmm, seemed he hadn't covered everything after all.) At which point the face softened and a smile surfaced within the mess of beard and sticks.

"Ah, Harry, my boy, so good to see you." Dumbledore said as Harry removed his cloak. "We should return to the castle immediately. Tonight was quite the surprise victory for us. And we need to come up with a plan of action. After which, I think you will want to explain to everyone what has happened here."

Harry toed the ground sheepishly. "Yes, sir. But what's going to happen to all the Death Eaters?"

"That is one of the things we are going to discuss back at the castle. Still, I'm sure they wouldn't mind a small stay in the dungeons. Some might even consider it a vacation. However, I am rather curious as to what occurred." Dumbledore said, sweeping the area with his hand.

"Umm. . . Well I don't really understand what happened either, sir. Everything happened so fast that it's all a blur. And I still don't know what this thing is or why everyone keeps running from it." Harry said looking at the still growling, though quietly, culprit in question.

Dumbledore peered at it and his smile became forced as recognition flashed through his eyes. "Ah, that is . . . um. . . Well that, my dear boy, is a poofle." He stammered anxiously. "And it's no wonder they were frightened of it. I don't imagine they, or Tom, would be grateful if they were bitten. Now let's go back to the school, Harry. The other professors are done fighting and are cleaning up the mess."

Dumbledore walked over to Lucius and with a flick of his wand, the unconscious figure stretched out on a conjured stretcher. With the poofle nuzzling into his heck, Harry joined the Headmaster at his side. Slowly they made their way back to the school. The path was slippery and hard to see in the dim light a wand produced.

Stepping out of the Forest, they saw a group of teachers surrounding the majority of Death Eaters. Each person showed signs of battle. Some had minor damages like burnt robes, small cuts and a ton of bruises. Others had serious wounds from jinxes to the after affects of dark curses and combined spells.

"Oh, thank goodness the two of you are safe." McGonagall said as she rushed over to them.

From a distance there seemed to be nothing wrong with the transfiguration teacher. Up close, however, was an entirely different matter. She was unharmed except for a few minor scratches. However, what made them stop and stare was that she looked trapped somewhere between human and cat form. Two pointed ears poked out from under her hat, conveying her emotions to the world. Slender whiskers were on either side of her nose and fur lightly covered her face. Twitching anxiously behind her, with a jingling sound, was a very bushy tail. And if they weren't mistaken, a bell was tied to the end of it, little pink bow and all. Whoever cast that jinx at her must be in very sad shape after she found them. Their response was a few seconds too slow and her ears flattened in irritation when she figured out why.

"Really, there's no reason for you to stare like that. I know you've both seen odder things before." She snapped the jingling noise increased its tempo. "Everyone with serious enough injuries has all ready been sent to the Hospital Wing. The rest are taking the Death Eaters there right now. And Severus is busy making potions, even though he should be in the Infirmary, too. But you know how stubborn that man can be."

Dumbledore gave the impression of shaking himself before he smiled at her. "Ah, yes, well, we will be having a meeting to discuss our plans of action. And as for Severus, there isn't much any of us can do once he sets his mind on something. Now let's get inside before someone catches their death from a cold."

With that, he cheerfully ushered them up to the castle. The inert form of Lucius was hovering by his side. Harry and McGonagall exchanged quick looks of exasperation before falling in step with him and the other professors. Luckily, it was far past curfew by this time and the battle had taken place deep within the Forest. Yet, they still made their way stealthily through the castle, just in case of any rule breakers. People headed to the hospital wing despite their level of injury. Dumbledore was among the ones who got off the lightest. Since the only thing that looked wrong with him was that, his robes actually looked normal. Well, as normal as Dumbledore's robes could ever be.

As they grew closer to the infirmary, they could hear yelling and cursing. (Not of the magical kind, either.)

"I am perfectly able to take care of myself. There is no need for you to hover over me like a mother hen!" A man's voice hissed.

"Honestly, Severus. You're seriously injured and need to rest. Not running around the castle making your potions. I have plenty in stock." A woman's voice said sternly.

"There is nothing wrong with me, Poppy. If it makes you feel better I've all ready taken a few healing potions. Also, some of the effects are only curable with potions that you don't have in store. That and," here Severus' voice became smug, "most of the blood on my robes isn't mine."

Poppy was beyond aggravated. "Still, you need to rest. It'll do none of us any good if you-- Ah, Headmaster, perhaps you can pound some sense into that thick skull of his."

Albus only smiled at her, his eyes twinkling madly. "That, my dear, is something even I cannot do. If Severus is set against staying here," Snape had a triumphant expression on his face, "then that's his choice. But it was an excellent idea. It wouldn't be very good if he collapsed on us from exhaustion." Anger replaced the triumphant look and it was Poppy's turn to be smug.

"Very well, Albus. I will stay here for one night." Severus said softly. "However, I will make some of the specialized healing potions first. The ones in stock have been sitting there for far too long." With that said, he swirled away in a flurry of dark robes.

"Thank you for getting him to stay, Albus. Even if it is only for one night." Poppy said.

Dumbledore blinked at her. "Oh, but I didn't do anything. I only gave my opinion of the situation."

"Whatever you say, Headmaster." Rolling her eyes Pomfrey turned serious. "Now, any without serious injuries will have to wait here while I treat the critical patients."

Madame Pomfrey then swept around the room like a whirlwind. Ordering everyone around, much like those drill sergeants, you see on those teens out of control shows. The ones with minor injuries obediently sat on their beds and watched as they would observe a tennis match. It was quite a sight to see the small witch yelling at the Death Eaters. Then after subjected to one of her tirades, they meekly complied with her wishes. Soon the ones with critical wounds were in a deep healing sleep and then it was the others turn to heal.

"Albus! Why is one of the patients hanging in midair and not lying down?" Pomfrey yelled. "Put him down this instance."

The Headmaster started at finding the Healer's wrath suddenly directed at him. Two red spots became visible on his cheeks. "Oh, so sorry, my dear. I forgot all about Lucius here." He grinned sheepishly and with a flick of his hand Lucius found himself on a spare bed.

"Well, in the future remember not to do that again! Honestly, how can someone forget about an unconscious person floating next to them?" Pomfrey said before she stalked away.

"Hmmm. . .I really must be getting absent minded in my old age." Albus mused to himself, stroking his beard in, apparently, deep thought. "Anyway, on to more important things. Harry, you will be staying here for the night as well. Tomorrow we will have a meeting to discuss what to do. Until then, please try to stay out of trouble?" He said, amused even through his stern visage.

"Yes, sir, I'll do my best. But what about my classes?" Harry mumbled thinking of Hermione's reaction to missed study time and Ron's at being left out of an unexpected adventure.

"You are, of course, excused from your classes tomorrow in order to keep the fury of our local Mediwitch down." Albus chuckled when an "I heard that", came from the background. "Well then, I will see you in the morning. Have a good night." Then he left in a regal manner only somewhat compromised by the fact that he was doing a very fast power walk.

With no choice in the matter, all Harry could do was settle back in bed and attempt to sleep. But with the med witch, working around him and the adrenaline still rushing through his veins made it impossible. Finally, Pomfrey finished patching up the last patient and came over to check on him.

"Of all the things that could send you here, Mr. Potter, it had to be Death Eaters. It couldn't have been something more mundane could it? Like Quidditch or potions or even transfiguration. Nothing is ever simple for you, is it?" She asked him in that kindly stern voice only certain people could pull off. "Even I couldn't believe you could do such a feat. But we're all proven wrong at times. Now, let me have a look at you and see what's wrong."

She waved her wand over Harry with a scanning spell. This caused a tingling sensation to follow the tip as it traveled down his body. She then quickly cast a quick cleaning charm that removed most of the blood and dirt on Harry's skin. Then a minor healing spell that disinfected all the small cuts and helped speed up healing followed.

"You seem to be fine, dear. All you have are a few cuts and bruises. This is surprising with what you just went through tonight." She said before handing him a pair of pajamas. "Here, put these on while I fetch you a potion."

Harry peeled out of his soiled robes and quickly changed into the clean pajamas. He had barley done up the last button on the top when Madame Pomfrey came back in with the potion.

"Here, drink this; it's a Dreamless Sleep potion. It should give you at least a few hours of rest."

Harry gulped the potion down. Wincing at the bitter taste all hospital potions seemed to have. Satisfied that one of her more difficult patients was going to stay put for the night, Pomfrey went to her office. Arranging the sheets around him comfortably the affects of the battle and potion finally caught up with him. The combination actually allowed Harry to get some sleep for once. Curling up next to him with a purr, the now dry poofle joined him in sleep.

Sometime later Harry woke with a start. He looked around wildly before his sleep-fogged brain told him where he was. Relaxing when he remembered he was only in the Hospital Wing. But he still didn't know what had caused him to wake with his heart pounding. Hearing moans coming from one of the private rooms Harry decided to investigate. Especially since, he wouldn't be able to get any more sleep that night. Silently creeping past the other beds, he was careful not to wake the occupants. Equally heedful of both teachers and Death Eaters, as waking any of them would mean bad news. Easing the door open, he slipped through and closed it quietly behind him.

Looking closely at the thrashing figure on the bed, Harry tried to identify him by the dim moonlight. Realizing whom it was he reached for his wand and cursed when he remembered it was still on the bedside table. Without a plan, and a weapon, Harry started to panic. Deciding to get out of there while he could sounds like a good idea. Just as he reached the door, he looked over his shoulder one last time. Harry paused when he saw the pained expression on the wizard's face. Approaching the bed, and cursing his Gryffindor kindness the entire way, Harry was shocked when the figure stilled when he laid a hand on his arm.

Taking his hand, away Harry was even more astounded when the wizard began to groan and thrash violently. Inching closer to the bed so that he could lean over him, Harry placed both hands on the wizard's shoulders. Once again all movement stopped. The mouth curved into a content smile and he leaned into Harry's touch.

So Harry nearly jumped out of his skin when the eyes snapped open and stormy grey stared at him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well tell me what you think. It'll help the muses return faster and the quicker they get here the sooner you'll have an update. Something happened and the bottom part of the chapter got chopped off when I posted it. How, I have no clue. Anyway, this is the whole chapter and I hope you enjoy it.

Heslestor


	4. Love at first bite

**A/N**: I apologize for the long update. I think my muses have left me and I'm looking for new ones. So if any one has an extra muse that needs a good home, I'll be willing to take it in.

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_Previously:_

_Therefore, Harry nearly jumped out of his skin when the eyes snapped open and stormy grey stared at him._

**Chapter 4: Love at first bite.**

The next morning Madame Pomfrey hustled about the ward. Busy with the many patients that they towed in last night.

'Attacking a school, for Merlyn's sake, I don't care who you are. The idea's absurd.' She thought to herself, handling supplies a little harsher than normal.

Therefore, she didn't notice that Harry's bed was empty. When she did, she only thought the boy had been too restless like he usually was. Then he had most likely wandered off somewhere to calm down. That's why she didn't think anything was out of place.

When Albus entered the ward and admitted he didn't know where Harry was either, she began to worry. In her own matronly way, she demanded that the teachers start a search party. By midafternoon, they all gathered in the Hospital Wing again. None of them had seen so much as a hair of the Gryffindor.

All of the teachers began to worry. Even Snape, with his sarcastic, snarky bastard, 'it's most likely his own fault' sort of way. They were concerned that one of the Death Eaters had managed to abduct him then take him to the Dark Lord. However, that idea was shot out the window when all the Death Eaters were accounted for. And the fact that Snape would have known the instant that happened through the Dark Mark.

So they were bewildered when they heard muffled yelling coming from one of the private rooms. They all approached the room, drawing wands as they advanced. Pausing in front of the door McGonagall flattened herself against the wall on one side while Snape burst into the room, closely followed by the other teachers. Then they all came to a screeching halt just inside the doorway where they stared in disbelief at the sight before them.

Standing in the middle of the room was the missing Harry Potter along with the room's occupant, Lucius Malfoy. What made everyone stop and stare was not the fact that the two were in a room together without killing each other, but what they were doing. Lucius Malfoy, Death Eater extraordinaire, Voldemort's right hand man, and all around aristocrat was hugging Harry Potter. The-Boy-Who-Lived, number one enemy of Voldemort, and the most Slytherinish Gryffindor in history.

That's right people; a Malfoy was willingly hugging a Potter.

Yet it didn't end there. Not only was Lucius hugging Harry, he was also nuzzling Harry's neck with a content look on his face. Harry, on the other hand, looked murderous. And when he saw the Hogwarts professors enter, he threw them a look that plainly said 'get me the hell away from this lunatic!' To top it all off the poofle was on Harry's other shoulder, purring away and surveying the couple proudly. The professors didn't know what was going on and stared some more before Dumbledore came to his senses.

"Um, well, ah yes . . . I see we found you, Harry." The Headmaster stuttered, clearly at a loss on what to say or do. A first for him it seemed. And it looked like the other teachers couldn't take much more of this out-of-characterness. "Do you care to tell us what exactly is going on?" Albus asked politely, pocketing his wand and motioning to the others to do the same.

If possible, Harry's expression darkened even further as he looked at Lucius who had a death grip on him. "I have abso-bloody-lutely no idea what possessed Malfoy to do this." He snapped glaring at Lucius. "I woke up sometime in the night by sounds coming from in here. I didn't know what was causing it or who was in the room. So, I decided to see who it was. When I went in Malfoy was thrashing around on the bed as if he was having a nightmare. Since it didn't look like he was in any state to attack me I went over to see what was wrong. As soon as I touched him, he stopped moving and looked like he was fine.

"But when I removed my hand he started to jerk around again, even worse than before. Somewhat curious to see why my touch, of all things, was making him have these reactions I placed both hands on his shoulders. Big mistake there, can tell you that right now. Again, he stopped moving, though this time he woke up. I froze up and he stared at me as if he's never seen me before. Then he pounced on me and this is how it's been until all of you showed up. Don't know why you didn't see me when you checked here earlier."

Silence spread throughout the room as the teachers took a minute to absorb all the information. In fact, they didn't know why they hadn't seen him in here when they checked either. The poofle then took this as a chance to jump down from Harry's shoulder and inspect the other wizards and witches. The professors hadn't noticed it until they suddenly found it in front of them. Then they backed against the wall as one. The poofle loomed closer, looking at each one intimately as they huddled together. Upon reaching Snape, it perked up and went right up to him. Snape looked at the puffball with wild eyes, wand clutched with white knuckles yet hanging uselessly at his side.

The poofle then hopped up on the potion master's shoulder, making Snape stand quiescently. It studied Snape in detail going so close that it was nose to, well whatever the poofle had for a nose, (little hard to see if it had one under all that fur.) Abruptly producing a high-pitched trilling sound, it hopped back to the floor. Then looked from Snape to Harry and back again, looking very pleased with whatever results it found.

Everyone was taken aback by the event and dreading what was coming next. Yet, the poofle only went on to examine the other teachers. Snape stood still for a long moment, staring at the air in front of him. Then, as if a switch was flipped, he slumped against the wall trembling with relief.

After it was done, the poofle jumped back up onto Harry's shoulder and curled up for a nap. The professors looked at Harry then at each other. They were so clueless that you could almost see the question marks over their heads.

"Harry, perhaps you could tell us where you found the poofle?" Dumbledore said sitting heavily in a chair.

"Poofle? Oh, you mean this pom-pom on my shoulder?" Harry asked, looking at the creature in question.

"Pom-pom?" Dumbledore asked brows crinkling in confusion.

"It's a muggle thing that-oh never mind." Harry said in irritation. "I found, well more like the thing found me, in the Forest during the battle. I don't know where it came from. And it kept not only the Death Eaters, but everyone else away from me as well. Everyone seems really scared of it. Why is that? So far only Snape-"

"Professor Snape." McGonagall automatically corrected.

"Sorry. Professor Snape and I seem to be the only ones that the poofle will tolerate." Harry said in consideration. "Well, us and Malfoy since this morning. Although last night it didn't like him so much 'cause it attacked him."

"It attacked him?" Dumbledore said a grave expression on his face.

"Yeah, I was on my way back to the school when I stumbled across Malfoy. That was when the poofle attacked him. Jumped right down the front of his robes." Harry said, relishing the memory. "It was quite a sight with Malfoy hopping all over the place, trying to find it. Then he went still all of a sudden and said that it bit him. That's when you showed up, Headmaster."

The room was filled with a thick silence as what Harry had told them registered.

Everyone stared at the odd couple in front of them as they finally processed why Lucius was acting so out of character. Then something happened that shocked all of them more than ever. Even Malfoy was amazed.

Snape burst out laughing.

Not quiet laughter or the usual controlled snorts that could be interpreted as amusement from the stoic man. But full belly, tears streaming down the face kind of laughter. Snape was clutching his side with one hand and supporting himself on the wall with the other. It was a long moment before his mirth died down. Then he only had to look over at the peculiar couple and burst into fresh peels of laughter again.

"And what exactly do you find so funny, Severus?" McGonagall asked, her lips thinning in irritation.

" 'W-what's so funny?' Only t-the entire situation!" Snape stuttered, gaining some control over his laughter. Well, this day had been full of surprises: Malfoy hugging Potter, Dumbledore looking shocked, and Snape laughing and stuttering. What was next? Malfoy falling in love with Potter? "Lucius Malfoy was bitten by the poofle last night and was immediately stunned afterwards, so he didn't get a chance to take a good look at anything. But by the looks of it, Potter here was the first thing that Lucius saw and that is why we find them in the current situation." Snape finished, his eyes, of all things, sparkling in amusement.

"That still doesn't explain why Malfoy won't let go of me. Or why everyone is so scared of the thing." Harry said crossly while Lucius just watched everything with a small smile playing about his lips.

"Potter, don't you know what a poofle is? That should have been one of the first things they taught you in Defense Against Dark Arts." Snape derided all traces of amusement gone and in full teacher mode.

"No, sir, I didn't. I've never heard of the thing until yesterday." Harry said.

"Why am I not surprised," Snape said dryly, "that you don't know what it is?" Especially with that way dark creature seem to gravitate towards you."

"It's a dark creature?" Harry asked looking at the poofle that gazed back with large blue eyes. "But how could it be a dark creature? It helped me during the battle and hasn't done anything to me since. And it slept next to me all night so if it wanted to harm me it had plenty of chances."

"Yes, well, the poofle is considered Dark Creature, not because of the damage it can do physically, but emotionally." Dumbledore explained regaining some of his lost sparkle.

"What do you mean, emotionally?" If this was leading to where Harry thought it was leading, he thought he just might take a long walk off the Astronomy Tower.

"Let me handle this, Headmaster." Snape said, moving away from the wall and closer to Harry, yet still keeping a healthy distance between him and the poofle. "The poofle is obviously something that is not feared because of its appearance. But it makes up for that with the power of its bite. You do know how the Imperius Curse works, don't you Potter?" At this, Harry nodded. "Good, I won't have to explain every little thing to you. Its bite can affect a person's emotion much like the Unforgivable but not quite in the same way.

Instead of the victim doing what is commanded of them and feeling like they're floating, only one emotion is affected. To better understand why is because the poofle was created by a Dark Wizard as a weapon. This Dark Wizard, by the name of Morlyn, decided that bonding his enemies to himself was much better than trying to destroy them. The end result was the poofle, which didn't exactly turn out as planned. Its bite, instead of bonding the victim to the first person they saw would cause them to fall in love with the first _thing_ they saw.

And I do mean first thing." Snape stressed. "There have been accounts of people, once bitten, falling in love with things ranging from a bludger to their horse. The poofle also has a mind of its own and didn't listen well to orders. So instead of becoming a loyal little pet, it ran wild in the world. Unchecked as no one wanted to go near it, for obvious reasons. There are rumors that there are more powers to it than that but no one knew for sure." Snape finished smirking at the stunned look Harry wore.

With all the information Harry received, it took a moment for everything to sink in. "You mean Malfoy's in love with me!?"

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Well, there you have it. Another chapter of this strange story. There will be major plot twists later on, so be prepared. If you review, I'll be eternally grateful to you. That and the story will be written faster. Even flames would be welcomed, as I need something to laugh at. Well, until I update again.

Heslestor


	5. Back to normal, well almost

**A/N**: My, oh my, do I have some demanding reviewers or what. (smirks evilly) I like. The last chapter got more reviews than any other did so far, and I'm hoping this one will get even more. This one was the hardest to write so far. (glares at a certain blond slytherin) And it's all Lucius' fault too. He was just not cooperating with me at all. Well, here's the next chapter, enjoy.

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_Previously:_

_With all the information Harry received, it took a moment for everything to sink in. "You mean Malfoy's in love with me!?"_

**Chapter 5: Back to normal, well sort of.**

"Unfortunately, yes, that is what it means." Snape said. "So Lucius will be attached to you for an unknown amount of time. If not for the rest of your life."

"W-what do you mean for life? Isn't there some sort of antidote you can make or a spell? Anything at all?" Harry yelled nearly frantic in his panic.

"Calm down, Harry. Mr. Malfoy will not be with you for the rest of your life. Besides, this could be to out advantage." Dumbledore said back in full twinkle mode.

"What?" Everyone exclaimed in unison.

"Well, it's quite simple, you see. Voldemort," here most of the teachers flinched, "oh get over it all ready. Voldemort doesn't know that Mr. Malfoy has been bitten and has bonded with young Harry here." Dumbledore said clearly amused by the whole idea.

"There are many things that could be done with this."

"What the Headmaster means," Snape said glowering at Dumbledore, "is that if Potter here asks Lucius something he will answer honestly. And since Lucius is the Dark Lord's right hand man, there is much we can learn. Am I correct, Headmaster?"

"Why, that's a wonderful plan you made, Severus." Dumbledore said with and innocent look on his face.

Snape gave Dumbledore his #5 Death Glare; you know the one where he looks at you and he can't decide whether to curse the receiving person of said glare or go find a brick wall and crack his head against it a few times. "You know what I mean, Headmaster."

Dumbledore simply beamed at them all, looking an awful lot like a living Christmas tree. This had absolutely nothing to do with his colorful, glitter covered flashing lights robe. Nope, not at all. "Well, since the plans have been made I suggest we set up some private rooms for Harry and Lucius."

"Private rooms? What do mean private rooms?" Harry sputtered while Malfoy held him tighter and nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Why, yes, if the plans are to succeed than Mr. Malfoy's presence here will have to be masked." Dumbledore explained patiently. "There is also a part of the bond that makes the one bitten want to spend certain amounts of time with his bonded everyday. That is what the rooms are needed for. That and the bond also made the one bitten want to stay within a certain distance of the other."

"What amount of time do I need to spend with Malfoy?" Harry asked, resigned to his fate and slumping in Lucius' arms. "And do I have to spend that time alone with him?"

"Don't worry Potter; your integrity is quite safe in Lucius' presence." Snape sneered.

"Severus! Honestly, the boy has been through a lot in a short amount of time." McGonagall said glaring at her co-worker. "You could, at the very least, be civil to him. Merlyn only knows how long Mr. Potter will be in this situation. If it ends at all."

"I doubt he could do civil for anyone." Harry muttered to himself.

"What was that, Potter?" Snape snapped.

"Nothing, sir."

"Now, now, gentlemen, we need to complete everything as quickly as possible." Dumbledore said just as Snape opened his mouth to retort. "I suggest that the rooms be set up in the dungeons, close to Severus. It's the last place someone would look for Harry. As for how to explain the disappearances of Mr. Potter on a regular basis, we'll say that he is receiving extra tutoring. Which will be true."

Harry's gaze shot to the Headmaster. "What do you mean 'extra tutoring'? And with who?" He didn't like the sound of this.

"Yes, Albus," Severus said with a sinking feeling in his stomach. "What training and who will be the lucky one to teach him?"

"Why I mean exactly what I said." Dumbledore said jovially. "As for who will be teaching him, why Lucius and yourself, Severus."

"I never would have guessed it." Snape said glancing heaven ward as if all the answers to his problems could be found there.

"What will they be teaching me? Where will it be? And . . . and why them?" Harry asked with a note of desperation in his voice.

Dumbledore pursed his lips as he considered the questions. "Well, they will be teaching you a wide range of subjects. Potions, Defense, Charms, and Occlumency among them. As for where-

"Occlumency!" Snape and Harry said together, both staring at the Headmaster in dismay.

"You didn't say anything-

"-about Occlumency and-

"-You know how well Potter and I get along. This-

"- is absolutely ridiculous. I simply-

"- refuse to continue the lessons." They finished together, and then looked at each other in shock.

"I'm acting like one of the bloody Weasley Twins. This in _not _a good sign." Snape mumbled to himself.

"As for where these lessons will take place," Dumbledore went on as if nothing happened. "Perhaps one of the lower dungeon rooms will work well. The older and more strongly fortified ones. Yes, one of those would work well. And as for Lucius and Severus; why, that's simple. Who better to teach the weaknesses of a Dark Lord and how to defeat him than one of the Dark Lord's right hand man and Potion's Master?"

Snape and Harry simply leveled glares at the Headmaster for him reasoning all their objections away.

Dumbledore just took the looks for ones of agreement. "Well, since that's all settled we should set up everything as quickly as possible. Poppy, is there anything you need to do before they leave?"

Pomfrey started at suddenly finding herself the center of attention. "I . . . ah, just have to run a diagnostic spell." She said as she took out her wand and approached the couple.

She was within a few feet of them when the poofle stood up and with fur bristling, growled at her. Looking at the upset creature, Pomfrey realized that pointing a wand at its Chosen wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. Glancing at the others for help, they could only shrug their shoulders in bafflement. Not knowing how to proceed, she turned to Harry for a plan.

Getting an idea Harry looked at the poofle that was still growling menacingly at the Healer. "You know if you don't let her run that check we don't get out of here, right?" The poofle settled down and peered at Harry curiously. "It's only a spell to see if all our wounds have healed and if we need anymore medicine. Perfectly harmless, trust me, I know. I've had it done to me many times before." The Gryffindor patiently explained.

The poofle sat on his shoulder, seeming to think it over. Then it looked Pomfrey directly in the eyes, as if to search for any falsehoods. The Header found herself wanting to fidget under a gaze that was more intense than that of the Headmaster's and a Hippogryph's combined. Finally, the poofle broke the stare and cuddled up in the crook of Harry's neck, the air of sleep about it. However, the small slits of blue appearing under the fur betrayed the fact.

Pomfrey approached more slowly, making sure the poofle could see what she was doing at all times. Then she passed the tip of her wand over them as quickly as she dared. Satisfied with the results, she stepped back with a nod of approval.

"Excellent. Now the Aurors will be here shortly and we need to set everything up as soon as possible." Dumbledore said, rubbing his hands together. "Severus can show Harry and Lucius to their rooms. The rest of you can get our guests ready for travel. I will deal with the Aurors and Fudge. And Lucius," he paused in his plans, peering over his half-moon spectacles at the couple, "you will have to release Harry until you get to your rooms."

Lucius just looked at him with round eyes. "Whatever for?"

"If you don't act like you use to towards Harry here, then you could put him in danger." Dumbledore said.

At this, a stricken look passed over Lucius' features and if it were possible, he intensified his grip on Harry even further. "But I don't want any harm coming to him. I need to protect him to the fullest of my ability."

"I know that, my boy." Dumbledore said slowly, as if speaking to a small child. "And in order to protect him you need to act like you did before the battle. Otherwise, Voldemort will get ideas and come after Harry in his anger at losing you. Isn't that right, Harry?"

If Dumbledore was expecting an answer from that corner then he was to be disappointed. Studying Harry closer, the occupants of the room immediately found out why. In the earlier conversation with Dumbledore, Lucius had turned Harry slightly so that his face was crushed against his shoulder. What little of his face could be seen was rapidly turning blue from lack of oxygen. There was a burst of noise as everyone tried to get Malfoy to release his hold on Harry.

"Mr. Malfoy, let go of Mr. Potter this instant!"

"It would be wise, Lucius, if you released Harry before he turns anymore colors."

"Please, Lucius keep your hold as it is and possibly rid us of a few nuisances at once."

"Let. Go."

The last was barely heard above the clamor, yet Lucius instantly released Harry as if he turned into a hot coal. Springing back from the Gryffindor, then returning just as quickly, Lucius looked him over anxiously.

"Is there anything wrong, luv? Anything at all?" Lucius asked with concern shinning in his grey eyes.

Starving lungs gasping in air, Harry shook his head and waved Lucius away. "I'm . . . fine. Just try not to suffocate me next time."

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, Harry. I was only trying to help." Lucius said, starting to panic when his mate accused him of such a crime. "I would never ever hurt you."

"Well try to be gentler about it next time, Malfoy." Harry snapped.

Lucius' face fell when he heard Harry's angry tone. Malfoy then tried to approach Harry again, most likely to gather him into his arms, but Harry wasn't having any of it. Harry backed away from the advancing blond, trying to hide behind Dumbledore. But that didn't go so well when the poofle growled at the Headmaster and Dumbledore quickly moved away from it.

"Headmaster," Snape said softly, breaking the amusing yet annoying spectacle of Malfoy chasing Potter, Potter trying to hide behind Dumbledore, and Dumbledore moving of the way as swiftly as possible. "Shouldn't we be preparing for the Aurors' arrival?"

Dumbledore was relieved for the distraction, even though he was still edging away from Harry. "Yes, yes, we need to do this as quickly as possible. We used up enough of our time this morning looking for Harry. Let's go." He then glanced over at the Gryffindor who was now edging around a bed to keep Malfoy away from him. "Could you ask Lucius to act like he use to towards you? I believe you are the only one he will listen to at the moment."

Harry glared at the Headmaster then switched it to the blond who was still coming after him. Moving to the other side of the bed as he spoke. "Malfoy, act like you hate me. Now. Otherwise **all** of us will be in danger."

"But, I don't want to," Lucius whined.

Harry's glare went up a notch, and if nothing else, he learned the art of glaring from Snape. "Do you want to get me killed?"

"No, that's the last thing I want."

"Then act like you use to towards me. Or I'll end up worse than dead. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do." Lucius said, head lowered and shoulders slumped. Then he collected himself, taking a deep breath with his eyes closed. After a moment, his eyes snapped open and the familiar cold light had returned. "Let's get this over with, Potter. I don't want to spend more time with you than necessary." He sneered, and the transformation was so complete that it was a little shocking.

Harry blinked at him and even the poofle was stunned. "Well, that worked."

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All of you should consider yourselves lucky that I got this chapter out at all. Real Life decided that it didn't like me and just lets say that as from the date of July 24,2004 I can officially see a Thestral. Not fun whatsoever. Anyway, please leave reviews.

Heslestor


	6. Moving on in

**A/N:** I apologize for the long wait on this chapter. On top of everything that's been going on I was hit the dreaded Writer's Block. That and none of the characters were cooperating with me. Right now I'm finishing chapter 6 and just starting 7, so the next update should be soon, I hope. And no, this will not be a Harry/Severus story; I have other plans for those two. Well, I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

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_Previously:_

_"Yes, I do." Lucius said, head lowered and shoulders slumped. Then he collected himself, taking a deep breath with his eyes closed. After a moment, his eyes snapped open and the familiar cold light had returned. "Let's get this over with, Potter. I don't want to spend more time with you than necessary." He sneered, and the transformation was so complete that it was a little shocking._

_Harry blinked at him and even the poofle was stunned. "Well, that worked."_

**Chapter 6: Moving on in.**

"Excellent!" Dumbledore said, clapping his hands together. "Now, let's set up your quarters before any of the students come back. We're quite lucky that today is a Hogsmeade weekend and nearly everyone is gone."

"But, what about the students that are too young to go to Hogsmeade, sir?" Harry asked edging back around the bed cautiously, just in case a certain Slytherin tired anything funny.

"Oh, it's nothing a simple notice-me-not charm won't take care of." Dumbledore replied waving a hand dismissively. "Besides, it will only be me, you, Severus, and Lucius that will be going to the dungeons."

At this McGonagall narrowed her eyes at her long time friend. "What do you mean, only the four of you will be going?"

"Why, there's no need to bring the entire faculty down there, trooping behind us. That will definitely gather the attention of the student body. And we don't want that, now do we?" Dumbledore said with a bright smile.

"You're right, Albus. Like always." McGonagall said, giving him a stern look. "And after everything is ready, you will be telling us what you have planned and then we will be going down to see for ourselves what you have done."

"Of course, my dear."

"And why don't I believe you for a second?"

"That's something I can't answer for you. Although why you wouldn't believe me is something I can't imagine."

Snape, McGonagall, Harry, the rest of the staff, and even the poofle glowered at the Headmaster who only gave them an innocent expression.

"Albus, even _I_ don't believe you." Flitwick said from somewhere behind the taller teachers. "And I'm one of the most trusting people here, next to the Friar. And that should tell you something."

Dumbledore was slightly put out at this. "Yes, well, we need to start preparing everything. Let's go. Oh, and Minerva, dear?"

"What is it _now_, Albus?"

"Would you be so kind as to speak to the Minister and Aurors when they arrive? Thank you, ever so much." And before anyone could respond, he grabbed Lucius, Harry and Snape and was out of the room.

"Only you Albus, only you." McGonagall muttered to herself.

Once out of the infirmary and relative safety, Dumbledore let go of his victim- er, companions, and preformed the notice-me-not charm. He then proceeded to hurry down the hall, forcing the others to run after him and unable to comment. They did pass a few students along the, but as it was, they didn't think much of it. What with the Headmaster in the front with Harry close behind, and Snape, who was looking even more murderous that normal, chasing the other two, and some person they really didn't care about tagging along; it was all normal to them. The only thing they cared about it was figuring out what the Headmaster and Harry had done to piss off Snape again. That, and they Gryffindors hopping they hadn't lost too many points for this latest episode.

After taking various shortcuts, they reached the beginnings of the dungeons. Some bright thinking individual had enough wits to place it close to Ravenclaw territory so that it was a fair ways away from Gryffindor. However, when they came upon the Potions classroom and then Snape's office, they passed them by without a glance. When they passed the Slytherin dormitory Harry started to worry about how far they were going. On the other hand, Snape was becoming even more furious than before, as he recognized where they were heading.

Not long after that, Dumbledore rounded a corner and they found themselves at a dead end. Harry, Lucius, and the poofle looked around in confusion as Snape glowered at the Headmaster.

"No, Albus. Absolutely not." Snape hissed. "The dungeons are large enough for them to be placed elsewhere. There's no reason for them to be placed anywhere remotely close to here."

"Nonsense, Severus." Dumbledore said absently, running his hands over the wall. "It will be much more convenient for them to be here than somewhere else in the dungeons. Now, how do you open this again?"

Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You wave your wand in a simple celtic know pattern while saying the counter curse. Then when wards open to let you through, you state who you are and say the password. It's not really that hard to remember."

"Of course it isn't, Severus." Dumbledore said while Harry and Lucius stared at the wall then the Potion's Master in astonishment. Talk about being paranoid. Then, instead of doing what he was told, Dumbledore pressed a number of bricks in an order known only to him, and said something under his breath.

The bricks began to shift around, much like in Diagon Alley, until there was a large archway in front of them. They could feel the wards moving around them, identifying each in turn before they settled back into the stoned and allowed them entry. Dumbledore beamed at them and then quickly went through, motioning for them to follow. Harry went through carefully, wondering why they would need a counter curse. Then looked at Snape's face and decided he really didn't want to know. Lucius followed, his snake headed cane clicking against the flagstone with every other step. Appearing nonchalant, but knowing exactly what Snape was capable of, and so he was just as careful as Harry was.

Snape strode through last, muttering under his breath the entire time. "One of these days, Albus, one of these days and I'll curse you to the moon and back."

Dumbledore just kept going, acting as if he hadn't heard anything. Yet secretly amused by the whole ordeal. When the entire group had gone through, the archway moved again. Closing the entrance to this secret place, braziers flared to life upon their entrance. Lighting their way and showing exactly where they were. Glancing around, they found themselves in another dead end hallway. With only a few doors leading to other rooms spaces far apart. There were few portraits and most of them seemed to be empty. The only one that wasn't vacant was a large one on the left side, featuring a dark haired man snoozing in a sitting room that seemed oddly familiar.

Dumbledore walked up to the painting, passing one of the other doors. Covered in unusual little silver snakes with jeweled eyes, it was different from any door he had seen before. As Harry made his way pass the door, he could have sworn that the eyes were following him and he heard a multitude of low hisses. He stopped in front of the door and the hissing became louder. Still, he was unable to understand what was being said. Then Harry was pushed roughly forward from behind, by a Snape that looked angrier than hi did at the Shrieking Shack in 3rd year.

Upon reaching the portrait, Dumbledore knocked lightly one the frame to wake the occupant. The man jerked awake and sent a wine glass tumbling to the floor. Gazing blearily at them, they saw a pair of ice blue eyes still hazy from sleep. "What do you want?" He croaked his voice rough from sleep yet with a slight underlying hiss to it.

"Good afternoon to you, Salazar." Dumbledore said in that cheerful voice that made others want to strangle him. "I've come with some guests who are in need of the rooms you guard."

Salazar perked up at this, peering over Dumbledore's shoulder to see who would be staying in his rooms. He immediately spotted Snape who he knew had his own secured rooms. Another was a regal and quite snobbish looking blond man. He was wearing immaculate black robes and carrying a snake headed cane in one hand. The last person he saw was the youngest out of the group, possibly still in school. With messy black hair and shinning emerald eyes, he looked a lot like one of his little snake lings. Yet what caught his attention was the little ball of pink fluff that was sitting of the young man's shoulder. A Poofle. This meant that one of them had been bitten.

Oh, this looked to be a very interesting time ahead, Salazar thought to himself with a smirk. "And why should I allow them entrance to my rooms?"

"Well, it's a fairly long story. You see—" Snape growled warningly at the Headmaster. "Never mind. Suffice to say that one of Voldemort's," Snape didn't even flinch he was so mad, "Death Eaters has been bitten by the poofle and the first one he saw was none other than Harry Potter. You can imagine the conundrum we are in now. So, we need to keep this a secret for as long as possible."

"Yes, I can see the situation you are in." Salazar mused to himself, rubbing his chin in thought. "Hmmm, all right, I'll let them stay in my rooms only because this should prove to be entertaining."

"Perfect. Now, all we need is a password and you two can move in." Dumbledore said to the odd couple.

_/Please, don't let Dumbledore choose the password/ Salazar hissed to himself._ _/If he does, I'll be stuck with some inane candy password. And a muggle candy one most likely./_

Salazar had said this so quietly that only Harry and the poofle heard.

And since Harry was the only who could understand him, he was the only one that replied. _/I have to agree with you on that one, sir. It's bad enough he has it on his guardian gargoyle like that. But it also makes it a whole lot easier to get in as well./_

The whole group jumped and stared at Harry when they heard the sibilant language of snakes come from his mouth.

Salazar stared at the plain looking young man in front of him with more respect than before. "You're a Parselmouth? I had thought that the last one was that crazy Dark Lord that's been running around recently."

Harry sighed in embarrassment at being the center of attention. "Well, that's another long story, too."

"All right, never mind then. Just pick your password then I'll let you in. No, Dumbledore," Salazar said, pointing an accusing finger at the Headmaster. "You will **not** be the one choosing. They are the ones staying in my rooms so _they_ will be the ones to pick the password."

Dumbledore's shoulders slumped in disappointment. "But I had a really good one all ready, too."

"Hurry up you two, and choose before he decides to force one on me."

"All right; how about 'animus serpens'?" Harry asked.

"'Soul of the Serpent'? Unusual, but I like it." Salazar grinned at the green-eyed boy. "You have much the same taste as I do."

"Yes, well, I doubt that many would think that I'd come up with a password like that."

"Why's that. It's a very Slytherin type of password if I say so myself."

Snape smirked at his House's Founder. "You don't know what House he's in, do you?"

"No, but I thought Slytherin since every Parselmouth has never been in any other House. That, and since he's wearing what looks like hospital pajamas instead of school robes, it's a little hard to tell."

Harry looked down at himsel, his cheeks a deep shade of crimson. "I ah, forgot to dress this morning with everything going on. As for my House, I'm a Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor! A Parselmouth in the Lion's Den? Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that. Anyway, welcome to your new home."

The portrait swung open to reveal their temporary home.

That happened to be entirely barren.

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And we finally see where they will be staying for an unknown amount of time. As for when there will be Harry/Lucius action, well remember Harry hates Lucius' guts so it'll be some time until they do anything at all. Although that certainly wont stop Lucius from trying to seduce his love with all of his knowledge of the flesh. So the upcoming chapters will be wrought with sexual frustration. Imagine it, Lucius _trying _to be sexy. (shivers) Well until we meet again, happy reading and of course, review.

Heslestor


	7. The room revealed

**A/N:** stares at screen Wow, that last chapter got more reviews than any of the others. And I didn't even _like_ that chapter. I know that it's been a long time since I last updated but I haven't been in the mood to write at all lately. So I put everything I have written so far in this chapter to tide you over with the long wait for the next chapter. This one is also the longest chapter in the whole story so far. Nearly 20 pages of my warped humor, you lucky people you.

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_Previously:_

_The portrait swung open to reveal their temporary home._

_That happened to be entirely barren._

**Chapter 7: Room Revealed**

The entire group stopped just inside the threshold and looked around them in bewilderment. The whole place was bare, not even a speck of dust littered the floor. There weren't even the hint of a mark to tell where the furniture used to be either.

Walking further into the room, their steps echoed hollowly off the stonewalls. It appeared that the former occupant had never moved in, let alone lived in this place. Coming to a silent agreement, everyone split apart to search the chambers for a hint of, well, anything. Even Snape shortly forgot his anger in order to explore the rooms that had been locked for hundreds of years.

Investigating his new home, Harry found himself in a very large sitting room, with the only noticeable feature being the biggest fireplace he's ever seen on left wall. Seeing Malfoy go through the farthest right side door, Dumbledore go through the right side door closest to the entrance and Snape went through the door across from him, he decided to put some distance between them, choosing the door closest to him on the left wall.

Opening the sturdy door with surprising ease, Harry cast the fire lumos spell Remus had used on the train in 3rd year. Quickly entering and closing the door, incase Malfoy came back; Harry saw that he was in a long, narrow hallway. The only thing he cold see was a single door at the very end.

Reaching for the snake shaped handle Harry jumped back when the snake hissed and tried to bite him.

_/Who dares enter my Master's room?/_ It hissed, staring at Harry with accusing eyes.

_/Well . . . um, I was only trying to get in. I didn't mean any harm./_ Harry stammered as he eyes the snake's long and very sharp looking fangs.

_/You are a Speaker? There hasn't been one in these rooms since Master Salazar himself./ _the little snake said, returning to a relaxed pose and now watching the human in front of him curiously. _/I apologize for my hasty actions. It has been far too long since any being resided in these rooms, let alone a Speaker. My name is Ansem, young Master. And you are welcomed to look around to your hearts content. I will tell the others of your identity and you will have no further problems entering the doors./_

With that, the small golden snake slithered down the door and pass Harry before he could do so much as say 'thank you'. Shaking his head in bafflement Harry opened the door and stepped into another, surprise surprise, empty room. Unlike the other rooms, however, this one appeared to have been used, and quite thoroughly abused at that, too. If the marks were any indication. Scorch marks and a few holes that looked like the result of explosions littered the floors and walls. Glancing up at the ceiling, Harry found it to be a multitude of colors, some spots even changing hues along with more blast marks. There was a faint smell of sulfur and myrrh, with a few others that Harry couldn't identify.

While Harry may not have been the best in potions, he knew that these must have been the potion's lab at some time.

Finding nothing of interest, Harry went back the way he came. Back in the sitting room he found the others, all ready there, all in a fouler mood, discussing what they had found. Which was, of course, absolutely nothing. All the rooms were just as empty as the first one.

"All right, Potter what did you tell the snakes to do?" Snape snarled as soon as he saw him. "None of them would let us in the rooms until a gold one came and told them something. Then they just quieted right down. Although they were still watching all of us closely."

"I didn't do anything, sir. Ansem did that all on his own, I didn't ask him to do anything."

"Ansem? Who's this Ansem? And why haven't I heard of him?" Lucius asked, fearing it was some strange male moving in on his territory.

"Ansem is the snake that you saw opening the doors for you. He even went after me before he found out I was a Speaker." Harry said, realizing that it was getting closer to where he had to spend some alone time with him. "Then he told me that he would tell the others about my identity and that I'd have no more problems going into any of the other doors."

The only thing Snape could do about this was grumble as he rapped a rag around his right hand. "Next time we ever explore new areas that are in Slytherin territory remind me to shove you in first so I don't have to receive any unnecessary wounds. Especially when we found absolutely nothing for our pains."

They were startled out of their thoughts by a deep chuckle coming form the portrait. Apparently, Salazar's was double sided. "Is there something distressing about the condition of my rooms?"

"Um. . . Not distressing exactly," Harry said struggling to find the right words. "But . . . uh, not precisely what we were expecting."

"And what, may I ask, were you expecting?" Salazar inquired leaning against the side of his frame.

"Oh, just a little something called furniture." Snape snarled, "Would have been a start. Now I'll most likely have to help decorate the place. Or, Merlin forbid, Dumbledore helps. . . In any degree."

"What's wrong with my decorating skills?" Dumbledore asked genuinely perplexed. "I'd really like to know why the staff never comes to me with décor questions.

And none of you seem to be very fond of bright colors.

The other three wizards leveled glares at the Headmaster.

"It's not that we don't like bright colors, Albus. It's just that your concept of bright colors differs from the rest of us as much as Hagrid's concept of cute and cuddly does." Snape replied silkily.

"As much fun as it is to watch the two of you bicker like children," Lucius said icily, "we need to make these rooms habitable by tonight. So I suggest we start immediately."

Another laugh drew the wizard's attention away from each other and back to the painting. "Oh, there's no need for you to go through all that trouble. No, no, these rooms are quite ready to move into."

"Oh, really, are they now?" Lucius purred stalking to the painting and becoming quite angry, that everything was taking so long. He wanted to spend some alone time with his love and he wanted it_ now_, thank you very much. "Either your concept of habitable is for portraits or it's worse that Albus' concept of bright colors. I think it's rather the latter that the former. Or, you've just plain lost all common sense from staying down here for so long."

Everyone, poofle, painting, snake, and wizards, stared at the blond Slytherin in amazement. _No_ one ever talked to a person of such standing as Salazar like that, even if he was only a painting.

"I still have my common sense but I highly doubt that you have retained yours after being bitten." Salazar replied in a voice so cold that even Snape felt its frosty bite. "These rooms _are_ ready to be lived in and I'll show you how."

With that, Salazar drew his wand and started to chant in parseltounge. No one could make out what he was saying, not even Harry. After a long moment of the continuous chant, Salazar waved his wand in an arch to encompass the entirety of the room. This caused everything to abruptly shimmer in front of their eyes, like heat over a parking lot. When they could see clearly, their mouths dropped open in shock.

Where before nothing had been, it now looked like no one had ever left the place. Floating candelabras and fae fire provided light for all the dark and hidden corners of the room. Under their feet was a plush wine red carpet out of a hedonists dream. In front of the fireplace was an emerald green leather couch with two chairs at each end of it with a marble coffee table shared between them. In the upper left corner was a large mahogany stationary desk filled with neatly stacked piles of scrolls and what looked like a few journals. On the wall with Salazar's portrait were shelves filled with different awards, medals, and other personal memorabilia that glittered at them. Covering the walls from floor to ceiling were detailed tapestries done in rich colors that portrayed images varying from mystical beasts to mythical battles. One in particular caught their eyes. It showed the Four Founders standing in front of a not yet finished Hogwarts. Overall, it was a very comfortable and cozy feeling place.

"So, are they quite satisfactory to you now, Mr. Malfoy?" A mocking voice asked, revealed to be Salazar sporting a very smug expression.

Lucius quickly gathered himself together, his mask of indifference snapping into place as he walked around the room, inspecting his new quarters. Sneering at the odd items and other pieces he couldn't identify, he made a complete circuit around the room before stopping in front of a very satisfied looking Salazar.

"Are the rest of the rooms furnished in the same manner? If not we will just have to make do with some other quarters that actually has furniture in it." Lucius mocked gazing disdainfully at the original Slytherin.

Salazar glared at the man in front of him with growing ill will. "Of course they are. What more did you expect? These were MY rooms after all."

Harry stepped between the two before curses stared to fly. Salazar had managed to make everything appear after all, who knew what else he was capable of doing. "Um. . .sorry to interrupt, sir. But you keep calling these your rooms, why is that?"

Salazar smiled at the boy in front of him fondly. "Why that's very simple, young one. You see, not only do I guard these rooms, which would make them mine in a way. But these rooms were the very ones I lived in when I taught at Hogwarts all those years ago."

"Oh, well, um, how did you make everything appear then? I've never know a portrait who could do anything like that before."

"I'm not just any old portrait, lad." Salazar said drawing himself up proudly. "I'm a Soul Portrait."

Harry and even Severus and Lucius looked at Salazar in confusion, having never heard of it before. Only Dumbledore appeared to know what he was talking about. Regaining some of his twinkle at finally knowing something that the others didn't.

"What, exactly is a Soul Portrait, sir?"

"Well, when a portrait is done of a person, only strong memories, emotions, and personality traits are charmed into the paints. Along with anything else, that person may want. Now, with a Soul Portrait all of the person's memories, emotions and traits are put in the painting. Then upon the day they die, everything else that happened from the day it was made to the owner's death is transferred to it using very strong enchantments. At least that was how mine was done. This is different from some of the other procedures out there. That and please call me Salazar, I may be old but that sir thing gets tiring after a while."

"Okay, si. . .Salazar." Harry said trying the odd name out. "But you still didn't explain how you were able to do all that stuff."

"Yes, I don't relish living with a picture that can curse me whenever it likes. Please, Salazar, do explain how you are able to do something that no other portrait can do." Lucius said, finally backing away from the painting and allowing Harry some breathing room.

The look Salazar gave the elder Malfoy was pure ice. "Did I give you permission to use my first name?" Lucius shook his head no. "I thought not. You will either address me as sir or Lord Slytherin until I deem you worthy. Is that clear?" A sharp jerk of the head was his only answer. "Good. Now that we have that out of the way, I can answer you questions. It's rather simple really. Upon the day of death, the Soul Portrait received everything from the original person, and I do mean everything. From memories to your level of magical power and abilities."

"So, you're saying that you know everything that the living Salazar Slytherin knew?" Harry asked with a bit of awe tingeing his words.

"Yes, in a way it's a type of immortality, but not quite. While I can interact with the world I cannot physically touch anything that I didn't specifically spell the painting for." Salazar mused to himself sounding a little whimsical. "It'd be nice to touch something other than what's in the portraits of Hogwarts."

Right then, the little gold snake that had spoken to Harry came into view. It slithered up the edge of the frame and leaned in close to whisper in Salazar's ear. After a moment, a wicked grin spread across his face.

"It seems that a most significant and respectable Minister of Magic is tearing through Hogwarts bellowing for our esteemed Headmaster."

At that, every single face in the room lit up. Plans to embarrass the Minister in some way whirling around their head. Dumbledore, because it was so easy and fun to annoy the boisterous Minister. Snape, because of the fact that he _still_ refused to believe that the Dark Lord was back. Malfoy, because he remembered the hard times the Minister had given love. And Harry, well, just lets say that this was one of those times Harry gives his Slytherin side free reign as an unholy grin spread over his face.

"Harry, could you do an old painting a small favor?" Salazar asked, roughish smile on face.

"Perhaps I can, depends on what it is." Harry said his inner Slytherin jumping up and down screaming 'I know! I know!'

"Well, I just want you to take Ansem here with you when you go to speak with the Minister." Salazar said his hands clasped behind his back and an innocent air about him, that, surprisingly, he pulled off perfectly. "He's very small and can act like a piece of jewelry if seen. Besides, it's been an awful long time since he's been out. It wouldn't be too difficult to hide him up your sleeve or in your pocket, you know, to let him stretch a little, get some fresh air."

"I understand perfectly, Salazar." Harry said with an equally innocent expression. "He told me himself that it's been a while since he talked to anyone. Why, I bet that Ansem and the moron-er, Minister, would get along smashingly if they ever met."

Salazar beamed at him. "That's great. I thank you for doing this for me-uh, I mean Ansem. I truly appreciate it."

"Oh, it's no problem, really." Harry said as the snake wound up his outstretched arm and curled around his neck. "I'm glad to help out."

"Yes, well you four better get going before the Minister tears down the school looking for you. Have fun." Salazar said with a wink and a wave, opening the door to let them out.

"Why do I believe Ansem is with you for more than 'a little fresh air', Potter?" Snape was astounded not only by the fact that his House's Founder got along with the most Gryffindorish Gryffindor in history, but that Potter had understood what Salazar really wanted.

"I don't know, sir. If Ansem does more than just stretch his muscles than it's not my fault, now is it?" Harry shot over his shoulder, and then hurrying out the door before Snape could respond.

Snape swooped after him, hoping to take some points from Gryffindor before they found the Minister. Lucius stalked after the two, making sure that his fellow Slytherin did nothing to upset 'his' Harry. Dumbledore meandered after the others, wishing he had remembered to bring a bag of lemon drops with him. Sugar was a balm for the soul, that and whenever he offered them, it seemed to irritate everyone.

They made their way up from the bowls of the castle and to the ground floor. Eager to cut off Fudge from rest of the students before he upset them with his yelling. Just as they reached the floor to the Headmaster's office, they could hear loud voices arguing with each other. They had found the Minister.

"The Headmaster is very busy at the moment; you can't just burst into his office without permission." McGonagall sounded like she wanted to do nothing more than use the imbecile in front of her for target practice.

"I know he'd a busy man, Minerva! But this is very important. Death Eaters found in the Forbidden Forest, apparently right after they had a meeting. Captured and currently held in the school's hospital wing." Fudge said brimming with the prospects of what this could do for his reputation. A reputation that had been torn to shreds in the past two years. "This is big news, I'm sure Albus could put aside what he's doing for the moment to take care of this."

The poofle made a disgusted sound when it heard the Minister's voice. Causing Harry to stop in his tracks and the other three wizards to nearly run over him.

"What's the matter now, Potter?" Snape snarled wanting to get this confrontation over with and then go back to his rooms and sulk.

The Gryffindor looked at the puffball sitting on his shoulder with a pale face. Then the others were clued in to what the problem was. "We need to hide the poofle somehow. But I don't think it'll go anywhere it can't see Harry." Dumbledore peering around the corner to make sure son one was there.

Harry suddenly got an idea, remembering the battle between the poofle and Malfoy. "What if it hides in Malfoy's robed? It won't be able to fit in mine now because I don't have any at the moment. And since Malfoy wants to protect me and be close by as much as the poofle does, I think it will allow it."

"That's a great idea, my boy. I just hope the poofle will cooperate." Dumbledore said, ushering the two closer.

Without so much as being asked, the poofle jumped from Harry's shoulder and into one the many pockets of Lucius' robes. It then peeked over the top of the pocket, giving the Headmaster a hard look that seemed to say, 'if you put my Chosen in danger I'll bite you and make sure the first thing you see is a dementor.' Then it disappeared into the folds of cloth. If you didn't know, better you wouldn't have been able to tell there was anything in it. Lucius gave Dumbledore and Snape a smug look as if he was proud that the poofle went to him without having been told to.

"Now that that's over with, can we finish this all ready?" Snape said glaring at the pocket where the offending creature was.

"Of course, Severus. We shouldn't deep the Minister waiting. Oh, and Harry, perhaps we should do something about your outfit." The Headmaster pulled out his was and started to cast a spell on Harry.

Snape stepped between them with his own wand out, causing Dumbledore to abort the spell and look questionably at his friend. "I think it would be best if I was the one to perform the spell."

A disappointed frown crossed Dumbledore's face but he nodded and stepped back. Snape whirled around to face Harry with his wand pointed at the middle of his chest. This caused Harry to panic slightly, nearly pulling his own wand. Then decided against it when he saw that the poofle made no move to attack Snape. Instead, it seemed to be amused by the whole affair.

Snape waved his wand in a vertical line from Harry's chest to his feet. "Mutare vestimentorum."

Harry's clothing squirmed around like a living thing for a moment before settling down. Surveying himself, Harry found that instead of the stripped hospital pajamas, he now sported flowing black robes with hundreds of tiny buttons running down the front and shinny black shoes on his feet. All together, the new robes were definitely not his normal school uniform and looked suspiciously like Snape's teaching attire. Glancing up at his teacher, Harry found that he was smirking, yet for an unguarded moment, confusion shone in the dark eyes before the usual cold mask returned.

"You owe me big time, Potter." Snape smirked more than ever. "This spell tends to reflect the tastes of the caster. Just imagine what you would have looked like if the Headmaster was the one to alter you clothing."

Harry grimaced at the mental image that gave him and nodded in agreement. Putting his hands in his pockets, he found something slim and hard. Taking it out Harry was surprised to find that it was his wand. Looking askance from his wand then to his teacher, who had a rather smug appearance, he was confused about how his wand had ended up in his pocket.

"I thought it prudent that I bring your wand with us, Potter. Since you forgot to pick it up from the nightstand." Snape said superiorly. "Your wand isn't one of the more important pieces of equipment, now is it?"

Harry's face burned crimson at Snape's words. "Thank you, sir. It won't happen again."

"Yes, I'm sure it won't." Snape was highly doubtful of the promise being kept for more that a day.

"We should be going before the Minister decides to send his Aurors on us." Lucius said steeling himself for the upcoming meeting where he would have to convince Fudge that he still hated Harry.

Leading the strange group of wizards was Albus Dumbledore in all his twinkling-I'm slightly insane but a genius all the same-attitude. Close behind him was Harry Potter, looking more like his surely Potion's Master than anyone thought possible, glare and all. Nest was Lucius Malfoy, his haughty and better-that-thou attitude a familiar and, surprisingly, a comforting sight to any witnesses. Last was the school's resident vampire look a like, Severus Snape, whose glare, if possible, was filled with more venom than the ones he gave to Potter's godmutt.

As they neared the source of the racket, they found the Minister of Magic and Professor McGonagall with their faces inches apart, yelling at each other loud enough for Trelawney to hear in her tower. Surrounding them on corresponding sides were Aurors and Hogwarts teachers. Each with their share of shock, amusement, and disdain for the spectacle in front of them. Many were quite use to the Minister yelling and the like, but never had they imagined seeing the stoic woman yell like that. Her pointed hat was hanging precariously on her head and strands of hair were coming out of the normally neat bun on the back of her head.

Spotting the four wizards coming up to them, McGonagall sighed in relief and quickly straightened herself out. "Thank Merlyn you're here, Albus. The Minister wants to talk to you about the Death Eater situation."

Dumbledore beamed at the Minister who was trying to make himself look important, and failing miserably. "Of course, of course. I was just on my way when I was side tracked by Severus and Lucius here before I could find you. Let's take this to my office so we don't disturb the remaining students."

Fudge nodded and picked up his hat that had toppled off during his shouting match with McGonagall. "Great idea, Albus, lead the way." He most likely hoping that they would leave the Transfiguration's Professor behind.

Unfortunately, for him anyway, McGonagall marched in right after them, not finished giving the Minister a piece of her mind. Behind the five wizards and one witch trailed a group of Aurors, Ministry officials, most of the Hogwarts staff and further back, a few students. As they made their way up to the Headmaster's office, the stairs cooperated for once. It appeared as if they were holding completely still; except for the fact that the Minister was exceptionally clumsy today. But if one looked closely, which few cared to do, you would have seen the stairs moving minutely, just enough to trip up the annoying human.

Finally, at the guardian gargoyle, the Headmaster told it the password. And of course, it was a sweet of some kind, a muggle one to be precise. "Butterscotch brownies."

The gargoyle jumped aside and most of the group made it up the winding steps before it moved back. Blocking out the ones who were not needed for the meeting or the ones who would just stand and gawk at the rest. This caused the rest to run into the stone guardian and each other. Raising their voices in irritation at being slighted by a pile of rocks. The student and staff left, knowing it was no use to yell at the gargoyle, from experience. If it didn't want to let you in, you wouldn't get in. The Ministry officials, reporters, and others that had tagged along grumbled at the gargoyle, a few even kicking it, while others tried the password again. None worked and this prompted the gargoyle to make faces at the people around it.

Up in the office Harry was soothed by the familiar clutter and the, supposedly, sleeping portraits. Dumbledore made his way behind his desk and conjured chairs for his guests, each one more atrocious than the last. Snape and Malfoy sneered at the offending pieces of furniture and accordingly, one swept to the darkest corner behind the Headmaster and the other leaned against the table close to the one he desperately wanted to touch but couldn't.

Harry quickly made his way to the chair that was the least revolting, covered in suns, moons, and starts, and sat down. After a slight pause as they took in their choice of seating, there was a mad dash to find the best chairs, in which it was a free for all. Shockingly, Fudge got his hands on one of the better seats, weaseling his way through the taller people and snatching the on of his choice. To the disgust of both, the chair happened to be the one right next to Harry. When the flurry of movement was over everyone turned expectantly to the Headmaster.

Dumbledore smiled beguilingly at the Ministry officials. "Would anyone care for a lemon drop or perhaps a cup of tea?"

Predictably, no one took up the offer of lemon drops. Though some did accept the tea knowing that helped to calm their frazzled nerves. Hidden in the shadows, Snape smirked as he watched the expected reaction. Knowing that the old codger commonly laced his candy and drinks with calming draughts, which he himself had brewed.

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Oooooo, the things my mind comes up with in the wee hours of the morning. Oo it's scary in there and that's when it's in a humorous mood, too. Oh, oh, I was wondering what everyone thought of those pet fics. You know the ones were a character gets transformed, stuck, etc., in an animal body and is forced to be the pet or live with the last person they ever wanted to. I was thinking of doing one since they are my favorites but I don't know whom to transform. Severus, Lucius, Harry, oooooooooh, or even Voldemort. Imagine it, the Dark Lord the new pet snake to the Boy-Who-Lived. I'd like to know what your favorite scenarios for these are. I just might do a separate story for all four or more of them. Shrugs I really need help deciding, tell me what you think.

Heslestor


	8. Tormenting Fudge, what fun!

**Disclaimer:** Slytherins are sexy. Gryffidors are too. I own none of them. Please do not sue.

**A/N:** I apologize for the long time between updates. I've been away from my computer for over a month settling affairs and then it died on me and needed to be completely whipped clean. I thank all of you for your sympathies and patience in dealing with this. I should be updating far more regularly if everything goes according to plan.

**Arigazi:** actually you were the first and only one to mention my mistake. The one I didn't notice till I posted it. **Nienna Ciryatan:** Severus is not Harry's dad, but they do have some sort of connection that you'll find out in later chapters. **Lionnes:** blushes I'm speechless.

sssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssss

"Please, Albus. We need to get everything sorted out as quickly as possible." Fudge said, lowering his cup with a sigh. "This is a pressing issue and we really have no time for your games."

"Why, Cornelius I would never even dream of playing games at a time like this. It simply wouldn't be practical." Dumbledore said with a straight face.

There was a flurry of spluttering as nearly everyone either choked on their tea or pretended to cough into their mugs to cover up their laughter.

Concern spread over Dumbledore's face as he watched the scene in front of him. "Is everything quite all right? I do hope nothing is wrong with the tea."

"Nothing is wrong with the tea," Snap growled from his corner. "You should know that it is perfectly fine."

"Of course, of course. Perhaps it was just something I said." Dumbledore mused quietly before shaking himself slightly. "Well, anyway we need to proceed with this meeting. First things first, we need to decide what to do with the captured Death Eaters."

"How do you know they're really Death Eaters? They could just be some of the shadier witches and wizards who were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time." Fudge said to the incredulous looks of everyone in the room, including the house elf that came to refresh the tea and sweets. "I know it's no light thing to impersonate a character such as a Death Eater at times like these. However, we must make sure they're not innocent and wrongly accused."

At this, Harry's gaze shot to the Minister who shrank back at the venomous look he was given. "Yes, Minister. We wouldn't want anyone going to Azkaban on false charges, now would we? That would be very embarrassing if that happened to you; again."

Fudge tried to puff up indignantly but quailed under the steady glare sent his way. "Y-yes . . . t-that wouldn't b-be very good at all. N-no, not at all. Ahem. So, was there anything done to see about the identity of these people and where their sympathies might be?" He asked, turning to Albus for help.

Unfortunately, Dumbledore simply looked at him vaguely and smiled. "Of course we made sure to check everything about the people who were captured last night. It would be a horrible mistake if they were indeed, as you said, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why, it wouldn't do Hogwarts any good at all if her Headmaster was called raving mad along with a few of the staff and students, now would it? No, it wouldn't do any good at all." The smile Dumbledore wore the entire time changed slightly, morphing into something that would be termed a smirk on anyone else.

"N-no, that w-wouldn't do at all." Fudge said, loosening the collar of his robes. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

"It's just you," everyone said in near unison.

"Well, since you've made sure that they are indeed Death Eaters then I must take them back to the Ministry for further questioning and their trials." Fudge said, his speech gaining strength with every word. "I'll send the Aurors to fetch them and then we'll simply be on our way." He finished, rising from his chair as if he was about to leave.

However, Snape strode forward in a flurry of robes, blocking Fudge's escape route. "Oh, but Minister don't you want to know what went on last night? I'm sure they're not going to tell the entire truth when it comes to parts of their activities."

Sinking back down into his chair, Fudge paled dramatically as Snape smiled sinisterly at him. "Y-yes, what a great idea. Simply splendid. Thank you, Severus, for reminding me about that. So, what exactly did happen last night?" Fudge asked, smiling weakly at everyone in the room as Snape backed off slightly.

"It's rather simple, really." Dumbledore said, tearing himself away from the fascinating patterns the lights made on the ceiling. "Young Harry here decided to take a walk in the Forbidden Forest, which he will be punished for I might add." Here Dumbledore shook his finger at Harry who lowered his head in mock shame to try and hide his smile. "Then, while caught up in his thoughts he was ambushed by the Death Eaters. During the battle he was able to send up red emergency sparks alerting the staff to the situation. He was then able to hold them off long enough for us to arrive and win the fight. After that it was a simple matter of healing everyone and then contacting the Ministry." Finished with his speech Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and returned to his game of watching the ceiling, idly twirling a strand of beard around his finger.

"I see. Well, it seems that you have everything under control, Albus. Are there any other issues that need to be addressed at this time?"

"Actually, there is," Dumbledore said, surprising the group. "I would like to have a Hogwarts teacher accompany you and witness the proceeding trials. If that isn't to much of a bother for you, that is?"

"Of course a teacher may come with us. It would be an honor to have one of the esteemed members of the Hogwarts faculty observe the trials," Fudge stated smoothly. "May I ask who it is that will be coming with us?"

"Oh, certainty." Dumbledore said smiling jovially at the Minister then looking directly at the Transfiguration teacher. "I think Minerva would be a wise choice. Don't you agree, Lucius?"

The blonde simply arched a pale eyebrow and looked dawn his nose at the Headmaster. "Well, it will definitely be an opportunity for her to sink her claws into a challenging project."

Dumbledore beamed at the Slytherin who barley refrained himself from rolling his eyes. "Excellent. Now, Minerva, would you be able to find some free time in your hectic schedule or shall I choose someone else?"

"Oh, I'm sure I can find some time in there some where," McGoganall said smugly, looking a lot like the cat that got the canary. A canary that happened to be really fat and most likely not smart enough to know when to fly away.

Fudge sat there opening and closing his mouth a few times before he could make it work properly. "Well, if that's all we'll just be taking the Death Eaters and leaving."

Dumbledore looked around and saw everyone nod their consent, though Harry was glaring Green Death at the Minister all the while. "It seems that we have everything settled, for now. I expect you to keep me regularly updated on what happens or Minerva can, it really doesn't matter who tells me."

"Minerva needn't bother with all that paper work it'll cause, I'll have one of my secretaries write up the reports for you. Well, with everything taken care of, we'll just be leaving." Fudge said and then tried to break the speed barrier in leaving the Headmaster's office. He had his hand on the doorknob when the woman who had been sitting next to him cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Harry. "Oh, all right. Let's get this over with so we can leave all ready."

Then, grumbling the entire way, Fudge proceeded to march over to Harry and stand in front of him with a rather authoritative air, in which he had to have pulled a muscle or something in order to pull it off. "I, Cornelius Fudge, am proud to present you, Harry Potter, the Order of Arthur, First Class for outstanding bravery, unbending determination, and the numerous deeds you have done for us over the years." He then thrust a velvet box into Harry's hands and clasped his shoulder rather tightly, which was a mistake.

Before anyone (namely Lucius and the poofle who were having rather pleasantly violent thoughts at the moment) could do so much as blink, there was a hiss and Fudge jumped away with a yelp, clutching his hand to his cheek. The entire room became deathly quiet as the watched Fudge glare accusingly at Harry and as a small gold serpent that had looked like a necklace earlier rose up and hissed its displeasure.

_/How dare this simpleton try and touch a Speaker./_ Ansem hissed, far more upset than anyone has seen him. /_He has no right for such an honor. Young Master, may I put this—thing in his place for you/_ The little serpent asked, looking like he wanted to do nothing more than wrap his coils around the human's throat and squeeze.

Harry stared at the snake for a moment before Ansem's request could fully sink in. _/Actually, I think it wouldn't be the best idea in the world to teach him a lesson. No matter how much I may be tempted to or think that he deserves it./_

Ansem turned to look at Harry with an expression on his scaly features that could only be called disbelief. _/If you thinks he deserves it _and_ you want to, then why don't you? Every Speaker is in his or her right to punish someone below their station that offends them. Sssss, that and I would take great joy in showing this human his place./_

As Harry was about to answer a shaken Fudge stepped up to him. "Now see here, I will tolerate none of that nasty hissing going on in my presence. If you can't control that beast then I will be forced to deem it dangerous and have it destroyed."

Everyone in the room collectively held their breath when they heard that last sentence. Fudge had gone far far over the line and he just seemed to realize it when Snape and Lucius flanked Harry and all four focused their glared on the ghost white man in front of them. Fudge tried to make everything all right by apologizing but nothing would come out of his mouth except whimpers. He then approached Harry with trembling hands moving in what would normally have been an appeasing motion, making him look disgustingly like Pettigrew to Harry in that moment.

Feeling his human's anger and resentment mount for the creature in front of them, Ansem decided to take matters into his own coils. Striking faster than anyone could react, he launched himself across the small distance between them and sank his fangs into Fudge's cheek. Delighted with the damage he had done, Ansem coiled himself contentedly around Harry's neck, enjoying the smell of fear rolling off the miscreant.

Raising a shaky hand to up to his cheek, Fudge backed away until he was pressed against the far wall. "What did that thing do to me! You better pray that it isn't poisonous or else you'll both regret it. I—"

Ansem rose with an angry hiss causing Fudge to shut his mouth with an audible click. _/Don't worry, human. My bite is only deadly when I wish it to be so. You'll simply be uncomfortable for a few weeks, possibly more embarrassed than normal but I don't see how that's possible./_

_/What do you mean, he'll be uncomfortable for a while? What exactly did you do to him/_ Inquired a very curious and amused Harry.

Ansem fixed hid ruby eyes on Fudge and hissed his amusement, to the discomfort of many in the room. _/It's very simple. Instead of injecting him with a deadly poison that would normally kill him in a most slow and painful manner, which he rightly deserves in my opinion, I simply gave him a Trick Bite. Which in his case means that his shin will turn bright red and then be covered in flashing neon patterns that constantly change, are seeable through cloths and are unable to hide, no matter what you use. It will all start tomorrow and end in a month. Or two./_

Harry stared at the snake in disbelief before he clamped both hands over his mouth and stared to shake. The rest of the room looked on in concern as The-Boy-Who-Lived sand to the ground, shuddering uncontrollably and tears streaming down his face. Ansem surveyed the room proudly, gratified that he made the Young Master so happy. Filled with anxiety, Lucius wanted to do nothing more than rush over to Harry and see what was wrong. However, he knew that would be even more dangerous for him and besides that the snake didn't look worried in the least and the poofle, well the poofle was quivering like Harry and making a high pitched squeaking noise that only he and Snape could hear.

Dumbledore rose from his chair and approached the fallen Gryffindor. "Harry. Harry, my boy, are you quite all right?"

Still shaking a bit Harry finally managed to gain enough control to rise from the floor and lean against the desk for support. "I'm sorry. It—it's just what Ansem—what he told me. What the—the bite w-w-would do to Fudge." Harry said between hiccups.

"And what exactly will the bite's affects be?" Snape asked smirking at the leader of Wizarding Britain who looked like he was about to faint over a bite that was all ready healing.

Harry stalked towards Fudge who seemed to be trying to dissolve into the wall behind him. "Oh, by tomorrow morning you'll see exactly what it does." He said smiling all the while then patting the Ministers head in the manner of a parent soothing a frightened child.

At the first touch of Harry's hand Fudge went completely still, then when the Gryffindor stepped away he promptly fainted. Everyone looked at the Minister and then at Harry who wore a defiant expression that just dared them to accuse him of anything. Two Aurors quickly moved on either side of Fudge to carry him away as Harry respectfully gave them their distance. They might have been imbecilic enough to side with Fudge, but they were imbeciles with power and training. Then they roughly pushed through the crowd so they could find a place to revive the Minister in peace.

The rest of the lot took one look at the gold snake and the smirking Gryffindor and rapidly swarmed the door to get out of this mad house as quickly as possible. Even the more foolhardy reporters didn't want to chance anything, not even for an exclusive with the Boy-Who-Lived.

"That certainly went well," Lucius said with a sneer at the closed door.

Harry shared an amused glance with Malfoy and them went still as the Slytherin's eyes went from the light gray of amusement to smoky silver with an emotion that Harry wasn't sure he wanted to identify. Blushing slightly, Harry looked away but immediately looked back when there was a swift movement out the corner of his eye. Locking gazes with the beautiful emeralds of his dreams, Lucius advanced on his mate. Harry went pale with realization and put his hands up as if to stop it from happening as the blond prowled ever closer. Then in a swirl of robes Harry found himself crushed against a broad chest as strong arms locked into place around him.

"You have no idea about how long I've been wanting to do this, luv." Lucius practically purred as he nuzzled the top of Harry's head.

The poofle squirmed out of its hiding place where it quickly made itself comfortable on Harry's shoulder who looked as if he'd just saw a basilisk in a mirror. At the sound of a snort from Snape Harry glared at him as best he could and started to wiggle around in order to do something about this situation.

Dumbledore smiled indulgently at the couple. "Lucius, I think it best if you would loosen your hold a bit so Harry can be more comfortable. It looks like he is trying to tell us something."

Frowning at the Headmaster for interrupting his moment Lucius opened his arms enough so that Harry's back was to his chest then promptly linked them together again. Ansem hissed in annoyance at being disturbed but rode out the movements and them simply settled down when it was over, not concerned in the least about the Silver Human touching the Young Master.

"As I was attempting to say before this psycho tried to crush me," Harry scowled at the wounded look Lucius gave him. "What I want to know is; what are we going to do about the poofle during classes and when I'm in Gryffindor Tower?"

"Oh, that's simple, my boy. I have everything you need right here." Dumbledore said as he moved behind his desk. "Now all I have to do is find where I put it." With that he began to go through the drawers of his desk, tossing items that he didn't need over his shoulder and mumbling all the while. As the pile behind him grew steadily larger, so to did the oddness of the items.

A boxed chess set landed roughly, bursting open and the pieces running madly in all directions with cries of 'Freedom!' A pair of old wool socks slipped away from the pile, scooting across the floor where they huddled together in a dark corner. A book with a mug of ale on its cover landed on the pile next where it proceeded to slide to the floor in a heap then teeter around with bubbles coming from it and hiccoughing all the while. Other books followed, of a muggle verity, that looked like a large collection of the 'Complete Idiot's Guide', the topmost being one about knitting. A purple shrunken head flew threw the air and landed with a thud where it could be heard grumbling about the mistreatment of valuable objects before it was covered by what looked like a set of Star Wars sheets magiced to move with sound affects. Then a rather ragged and old stuffed unicorn was carefully set next to the mound of stuff, shaking itself out and then captured the ale book where it began to munch quite happily on the yellowed pages.

"Ah-ha, I found it!" The outcry caused the group to jump as they had all been watching with a sort of horrified fascination as the pile grew and moved and talked. "This is what will allow the poofle to remain with you at all times and yet stay out of sight." A triumphant Dumbledore said proudly, as he handed Harry the item he had searched for.

As Dumbledore laid the item gently on his desk, Harry found himself looking at a small silver-green bag covered in tiny scales. "Um, no offense, sir. But how is this going to help hide the poofle? It actually stands out a bit."

"Honestly, Potter. Have you learned nothing about magical creatures in your education here?" Snape jeered at the idiotic Gryffindor. "That is a bag made out of the skin from a moke."

Harry stared at his professor blankly for a moment. "Yeah, so it's made out of animal skin. What makes it so special?"

Snape growled softly to himself. "A moke is a lizard that shrinks in size when in danger. Even after death the hide still retains this ability, only remaining its original side if its owner is alone or says it is safe to open up. That is why moke skin bags are so highly prized as money purses or other such container for valuables. Another reason it is so useful is that whatever is placed in it does not receive damage from being shrunk. Even if it is a living creature."

Harry looked a little sheepish for not knowing what a moke was. "Oh, well then I can see why I would need something like that."

"I'm sure you do."

Before the glaring match between them could escalate into anything involving wands, Dumbledore stepped out from behind his desk and gave the pouch to Harry. "Just keep this around your neck and ask the poofle to stay there while you're with anyone besides the teachers. This will allow the poofle to remain with you at all times and yet not be seen."

Wiggling one of his arms out, Harry took the bag from Dumbledore and placed the drawstrings around his neck and then looked pointedly at the poofle, which made an annoyed sound before reluctantly crawling inside the pouch. "All right, with that taken care of, what do we do now?"

"Well, I had some of the house elves, who will be assigned exclusively to the two of you, take all of your belongings to Salazar's rooms where you will be staying at night. We need to make a working schedule for you. And we will need to introduce Lucius as Severus' new potions assistant, need something more lasting than him simply visiting the school in order for it not to look too suspicious. You will be able to tell your friends about this of course, they'd find out anyway and they don't need to be sneaking around anymore that they all ready do. Just wait until later tonight or tomorrow when you can tell then in private. I think that's everything for the moment. If anything else arises later we'll just take care of it then. As for right now we need to get down to lunch. I'm sure everyone is wondering where the two of you have gone, Severus and Harry." And before anyone could say so much as a word, Dumbledore ushered them out the door and followed them down the staircase. Knowing it would be useless to argue they grudgingly walked away from the gargoyle which was thankfully clear of any loiterers.

With Harry and Lucius in the lead Snape moved beside Dumbledore for a-ah, quiet interrogation. "Do you think it wise to have Lucius parading around Hogwarts as my assistant?" Snape hissed, casting superstitious glances at the couple in front of them. "I doubt that the Dark Lord will be very pleased when he finds out about this. He doesn't want my position as a spy compromised and having another Death Eater here for an entire year will look highly suspicious."

Dumbledore stopped in mid-step and thoughtfully watched the backs of Lucius and Harry as they disappeared around the corner in front of them. "I know it's not the best plan in the world. However, it is one that gives our side the most advantages. Besides this whole situation can work for us in ways that we never thought of. Harry does need someone who can care for him in ways that we can not."

Snape looked at Dumbledore as if he just said that Merlyn and Voldemort were going to have a tea party together. "You can't be seriously saying what I think you are. I knew you were never right in the head in the first place but this is utter nonsense! I'll have to contact St.Mungos—

Before Snape could finish that statement there was a scream from down the corridor. Both of them stood frozen in shock when they recognized the scream to belong to none other than Harry Potter. Right then Harry came barreling around the corner, face ghostly white while his lips looked suspiciously red and puffy.

ssssssssSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssss

I have a new Yahoo!Group for my stories. Just made it last month and is waiting for people to start joining. Look in my profile and you'll find the link. You also get to vote on who the poofle bites next and what that person sees. Make that pairing inventive now; I want to see some really strange things. On another note I will be away from my computer for over a week as I'm going up north ice fishing. So I'll have (hopefully) lots and lots more for everyone when I get back.

Heslestor


	9. Explanations and more bonding

**A/N:** Did I say I'd update in a few weeks? Ah, I meant months. Writing has slowed down big time and I'm not even going to set a date for the next update because I know I'll be waaaaaaaaay off. Oh, and another funeral has come and gone for me. Also, my mom hurt herself real bad recently by falling on some pavement. Seems like we just can't get a break around here.

P.S.: I'm also currently addicted to Spidy yaoi. Venom/Spider-man yum. :)

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_Previously:_

_Before Snape could finish that sentence there was a scream from down the corridor. Both of them stood frozen in shock as they recognized the yell to belong to none other that Harry Potter. At that moment, Harry came barreling around the corner, face ghostly white while his lips were red and puffy._

**Chapter 9: Explanations and more bonding.**

As soon as Harry saw them he made a mad dash for Snape, who he instantly hid behind and clutched the black robes in a death grip. Snape stood stock-still, blinking owlishly at Dumbledore who looked just as surprised as he did. Never in his entire career as a teacher had a student, especially a Gryffindor of all things, used him as a shield to hide from someone else. It was always the other way around. Just as he was about to snarl at the boy and yank his robes away from the shaking body they saw another strange sight.

Coming around the corner and shuffling his feet the entire way, was Lucius Malfoy. He had a stricken and slightly worried look on his face. That turned to full-blown panic when he saw the other two standing there and no Harry.

Lucius ran up to the Headmaster and grabbed his shoulders. "Where is he? Where's my Harry!" He screamed, shaking Dumbledore back and forth like a doll.

Snape smirked at the spectacle before him. Wondering which would be the most fun: Telling him where Potter was or letting his friend suffer for a while. "Relax, Lucius. Potter didn't get very far. Actually, he's very close by." The answer was easy. If it tormented Potter, then that'd be the choice he'd make.

Dumbledore was quickly cast aside in favor of getting better information. "He's nearby? Where? You've got to tell me!"

Snape simply held up a hand and surprisingly, Lucius stopped his determined march towards the potions master. In order to find Harry it seemed as if he would turn into a whirlwind and tare down the castle itself. "Oh, he's very close by indeed. Why, I'd say he's practically right in front of you." Milking the situation for as long as possible, it wasn't every day he got one up on Lucius.

Stepping to the side slowly, Snape smiled evilly when he felt the fists clench in his robes. A continuous litany of 'don't you dare, you slimy git', just rose his malicious enjoyment of it even more. Finally, he turned around completely, revealing a ghostly pale and shaking Harry, who still clutched at his robes like a lifeline.

As soon as Lucius saw him, his face broke into a joyous expression. He rushed forward to envelop his love in a hug. However, he was stopped after a few steps by a wand. A wand held by none other than Harry himself. Who still had a death grip on Snape with one hand.

"Don't come near me. Don't you dare come anywhere near me." Harry hissed in a harsh whisper. "I've dealt with your mad behavior without complaint this entire time. I've accepted the fact that for the foreseeable future we would be living together. And I've accepted the fact that my personal life is basically screwed beyond repair. But no bloody way am I staying anywhere by you if you so much as hint that you're going to touch me again. Let alone snog me like you did back there."

By then, Snape had finally managed to jerk his robes free without ripping them or damaging the boy. Unfortunately. Seeing that he was now alone, Harry began to back away from Lucius, red sparks shooting from his wand he was so nervous. Advancing step by step with Harry, Lucius tried to think of some way he could make amends. If only he hadn't moved so fast, he would still be near Harry. Bad Lucius, Bad! This is what happens when you don't plan carefully for something you want. That was one of the first rules in the Slytherin Code Book.

They proceeded down the hallways like that for some time. Lucius took one step forward with every step Harry took back. Getting neither closer nor farther away from the other, no matter how much they both desired the distance to change. Both for very different reasons, obviously. Snape and Dumbledore followed a fair distance behind. Trying to come up with a plan that would result in the fewest injuries and little collateral damage would be good at the time. They were sure that no matter what they did, spells would be flying between the two when one of them stumbled.

Luckily, they were saved from making a rash decision when they heard the low rumble of many voices. This strange procession had lasted for so long that they had come upon the doors to the Great Hall. And even luckier for them, they had passed no one along the way.

Harry looked around him wildly and Lucius appeared rooted to the spot. They both knew that making a scene in public was absolutely out of the question. And behind those doors was the entire population of Hogwarts. And it appeared that dinner was almost over.

Approaching the two slowly, Dumbledore made sure he had his hands where they could see them and didn't make sudden movements. "We really need to come up with a quick solution, gentlemen. It would be horrible if one student was to find out about the situation we are in, let alone the whole school, and all at once, I may add. So, do you two have any ideas on how to proceed?"

Lucius knew how he wanted to fix everything. However, that included kissing it and making it better. Something he was sure that would only upset Harry even more. This was a shame since that moment with his love had been a little slice of heaven. And somewhere deep inside him, a voice was groaning about how he was turning into a pathetic poetic Hufflepuff.

Licking his lips nervously, Harry glanced between the Headmaster and the blond Slytherin. He wasn't sure whom he should be more worried about. "I won't let him near me until you can assure me that he won't do anything to me that I don't want."

Dumbledore appeared lost for a moment, unable to think of a single device or spell that could help him at the present time. Deciding to get this over with, Snape stepped between the three and glowered at the whole lot of them.

"You could have said something like that in the beginning and we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place." Sneering, he continued before Harry could do as much as gape at him. "There's a rather simple, if obscure, spell that will do exactly what you described once it is cast over the both of you."

"And how come I've never heard of a spell that does something like that, before?" Dumbledore asked, actually pouting because someone else had more knowledge on old obscure spell than he did. Guess that was a sign for him to start rereading all those dusty old books he had bought so many decades ago.

"The reason you haven't heard of it, Albus. Is because you don't like getting your hands dirty and this is classified as a Dark Spell." Snape said, giving his equivalent of a smile causing Dumbledore to huff irritably and pout some more. "Mainly because who ever has the spell cast upon them are lightly bonded to a single person or a group of people. It makes them subservient to whomever they are bound with. As they had an increased desire to do whatever the master wanted."

"However, it can only be cast by a third person, for some reason I'm sure leads to the court room and claiming to not be guilty. There have even been recorded cases where there was no specific person or persons for the bonded to be with. When this happened, it meant they became submissive to whomever they met. Though, they could choose not to do something but it was like a house elf not wanting to do its Master's bidding." Here Snape did smile, and rather nastily at that. "Not exactly a fate someone like Lucius, or any other aristocrat, would like to be condemned to; since it can only be taken off by the caster. Call it a very weak Imperius, if you will."

Harry stared at Snape in absolute horror. "But-but that will make things worse. He'll be bonded to me, for Merlyn's sake. That's the last thing I want. It-you . . . I mean-just. No, no, no, no, no, no and no. There's no way you or anybody else is casting that spell."

Snape sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "As eloquent as always, Potter. Are you afraid that you have some hidden desire that you don't want to see the light of day? Besides, you only have two options; either let the spell be cast on the both of you or not. We need to make a decision in the next . . . oh, five minutes. Before the entire school comes trampling out here and sees us."

Dumbledore seemed to be pondering the effects of the spell for a moment, ignoring the squabbling going on in the background between the two dark haired wizards, when his infamous 1,000,000-watt smile was directed at the group. "That's a brilliant idea, Severus if I do say so myself. Not exactly, the first bonding spell I would have thought of if I had known about it. But it's even better than any other I know about."

Lucius looked between the three wizards, confused from the conflicting emotions running around his head. In the back of his mind there was a voice raging about how condescending this all ready was and that a Slytherin of his standing shouldn't have to submit to a Gryffindor, especially if it happened to be the Boy-Who-Bloody-Lived.

That and he was going to tear off that bloody smirk right off of Severus' face when all of this was over. On the other hand, another voice, stronger than the first one, was telling him that it would let him get closer to Harry and that he would know what his love wanted because of the spell. That and it would keep Harry from being mad at him since he was only doing what Harry wanted. Frustrated, on the other hand was an entirely different story.

Harry raged inside silently for a time before letting out a breath that seemed to deflate him. "Fine, cast the bloody spell. See if I care."

Instead of taking this as a chance to gloat, as was expected of him by everyone, Snape nodded seriously. Then he touched the tip of his wand to Lucius' temple and murmured a quiet "aliena curare", then moving it away, a thin green strand, much like that of putting memories in a Pensive, was formed. Moving it slowly and carefully, Snape put the wand tip on Harry's temple and with another quiet spell of, "solum optare", tapped it once. A strand of violet energy shot away from Harry and wrapped around the green one. After a moment the combined strands slowly melted away, absorbed by both wizards.

With a sigh, Snape lowered his wand and for the first time they saw how much strain the spell had on him. From his how much his hands were shaking, it must have drained a lot of energy for him to show this much weakness. Blinking slightly, both Harry and Lucius appeared to be confused for a moment, before a peaceful look passed over their faces.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together making everyone jump. "Excellent. Now that that's taken care of, we must be introducing the new Potions Assistant to the school and Harry will need to inform his friends of the poofle." One last blinding smile at them and he threw open the doors and regally strode away from them.

Scrambling to get into their proper roles, they reluctantly followed the Headmaster into the Great hall. Which became unnaturally quiet when they saw a shinning Dumbledore, brooding Snape, sneering Lucius, and a seething Harry come in all at once. As Harry sat down with his friends, whispers started all over the place. No one was quite sure who to keep track of to see if they could figure everything out. The Head Table extended slightly to allow room for the two Slytherins swooping upon it. There they both sat a little apart from the other teachers and scowled equally darkly at every table except the Slytherins and mostly at Gryffindor.

Standing in front of his chair at the Head Table, Dumbledore didn't need to call for attention or silence as everyone was watching him avidly, hardly daring to breathe least they miss a single word. "I would like to introduce a new member of the staff to Hogwarts, Mr. Lucius Malfoy. He will be the potions assistant for the year and step in for Professor Snape should he be absent for some reason. Please give him a warm welcome."

Not even the crickets chirped after Dumbledore sat down. They were all far too shocked to do anything but stare, Slytherin included. However, the silence was broken by a loud whoop of joy and over 400 pairs of eyes turned simultaneously to the noise. At the center of the Slytherin table was an ever slowly turning pink Draco Malfoy with his arm still in the air. Clearing his throat, he quickly snapped back to his normal personage, brushing imaginary dust off his robes and sneering disdainfully at the entire school.

Then he started clapping, the sound echoing hollowly throughout the hall. Slowly the other Slytherins joined him, which suddenly morphed into cheering and yelling, while the other tables continued to watch. Soon the Ravenclaws were clapping politely and the Hufflepuffs contributing timidly because of the looks they were receiving from the Snakes. On the other hand, the Gryffindors sullenly sat at their table, clapping only a few times before quitting so they wouldn't have points taken away from them.

Dumbledore beamed at the students. "We haven't had that warm of a welcome for a new teacher since . . . Well; it's been quite a while. And now for my word of the day: ecnlumba. Let's eat!"

As the food appeared, Hermione and Ron rounded on Harry. "All right mate, spill it." Ron said, before stuffing a chicken leg in his mouth.

Hermione smiled at Ron. "See, you CAN wait for the food long enough to talk first and then eat." Turning back to Harry, she crossed her arms and gave him one of her I-know-you-know-what's-going-on looks. "So, do you mind telling up what's going on?"

"I'll tell you later. I don't want the whole school knowing about this. Neither does the Headmaster." Harry said as Neville snatched one of his unguarded rolls. "You won't want to believe any of it but it's all true."

Ron stared at him with some unknown food hanging from his mouth. "Wash tha shuppos- I mean, what's that suppose to mean?" He finished after swallowing.

Picking at his hash for a minute Harry pushed the plate towards Dean who had been eyeing it none too subtly. "You'll see what I mean later. We'll talk in the library arcanum right after dinner. I won't say anything before then." Then Harry started putting a few items of food in a napkin and stuffing them into his bag before burying his face in his arms for the rest of the meal, not even aware that the rest of his food disappeared to a variety of plates soon after.

Glancing at each other, Ron and Hermione shrugged before going back to their own meal. Knowing how stubborn Harry could be and the fact that he wanted no one else to even catch a word of it, meant that no matter what they did he wouldn't say anything. So, instead of pestering him about it they went back to their normal dinner routine while trying to covertly keep an eye on Harry. Not knowing that four others were already doing the same thing, and doing a much better job at going undetected.

As soon as it was polite to leave, Harry grabbed all his things and stalked out of the Great Hall. Scrambling to gather their bags, Ron and Hermione ran after Harry, not sure whether they should be worried or excited about the news they were about to hear. Once in the library, Harry went through the children's section and then to a little reading nook in the corner. Tossing his bag onto the table, he slid into the booth and waited for his friends to catch up. Panting slightly from their hike they sat their things down and then plopped down beside Harry. Tapping the crystal ball in the middle of the table with her wand, Hermione whispered the password 'drizzit'. Then waited in silence as the entire corner the booth was in rotated to the right and into the wall, leading them into a new part of the library. While back in the main room there was an identical, but empty, looking booth to the one they were sitting on, even down to the scorch marks.

Walking down the trick hallway, they stared at the floor, counting the tiles until they reached the correct door. Ignoring the numerous other doors, they opened the one that stood in front of the thirty-sixth tile and entered the Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts study room. Also commonly referred to as the dark room. Each subject had a room like this one in the hallway they just came out of. The only students allowed to use each advanced room were the ones taking that particular advanced class. Therefore, if you didn't take that class you didn't know which door led to the study room or to a cage with a group of bored pixies. Not even two generations of pranksters couldn't figure it out all of the rooms. Even a certain know-it-all had trouble with it, slowly gaining grey hairs over the situation.

Harry's bag took another brutal beating at it was tossed into one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, landing with a splat. Probably not a good idea to throw something that contained both food and books in it. Gingerly putting their things down, Ron sat on one side of Harry while Hermione closed in on the other. Not sure what question to ask or where to start they looked at Harry for some type of reaction.

After staring at the fire for a moment, Harry grabbed the scaly pouch hanging from his neck and took it off. All of them watched in fascination as he gently placed the bag on the table, the scaly hide growing to be a little bigger than a grapefruit. Then Hermione and Ron clutched their wands as it started wriggling, the opening slowly ever getting bigger and bigger. Before anyone could do anything, the bag stilled and out of it came a pink blur, heading straight at Harry.

A loud humming noise filled the air as the pink blur transformed into a pink fuzzy ball shaped creature. Sitting under Harry's chin, the pink creature cuddled up happily, determined to find some other way to hide from others without being in that stuffy bag. The poofle thought it wasn't fare at all that Ansem got to stay in plain sight, but he had to hide in a stinky lizard's skin.

Ron goggled at the thing for a moment before tentively stretching out a finger to poke it. Just as he was within five inches of it, the creature turned hard blue eyes on him in anger. In the middle of the creature's body, under its eyes, a thin crack appeared. It grew into a jagged smile, revealing a row of predatory teeth reaching from one side of its face to the other.

When he saw it eye his finger, he snatched his hand back just in time. For the poofle lunged forward and, luckily for him, managed to bite only air. "What the bloody hell are you doing with a poofle? Do you know how dangerous those things are?"

Hermione just snorted at the oxymoron Ron had performed. "It most likely has something to do with what's going on. And since the poofle is staying with you and not someone else, I'm assuming that it Chose you and bit someone else. Now how you encountered one is something I can't figure out. Was it when you went for a walk last night? So, who was it that received the bite? Were you the one the person saw first?"

Smiling at the brunette, Harry thought all he had to do was say ice and slytherin for her to figure out who was bitten. So, he did.

"Ice and Slytherin? Wait; there were only two people in slytherin that came in with you. And one certainly isn't icy. Oh, please tell me it wasn't him. Of all the people who you could be bonded to. Snape would have been a better choice, or even Creevey, but HIM. The only worse choice could have been You-Know-Who himself." Slow at first, her speech gained momentum with every word.

Ron, as ever, was clueless. "Who was bit and bonded to who? And what's it got to do with Harry?"

Before Hermione could start lecturing him, Harry told them his mini adventure from last night. Starting with the walk through the woods, the ambush, the poofle then this morning in the private room at the infirmary and then his new rooms with Malfoy. By the time he was through, both of them were quite gob smacked, staring at him and the poofle as if they were some exotic alien species.

Ron, surprisingly, was the first to recover. "Well, now we won't have to worry about that ferret anymore. Plus, Quidditch will be in the bag. Ferret wouldn't dare want to upset his daddy by messing with his 'luv'. I just can't believe that he's been bonded to you not just once, but twice!."

Hermione smacked him on the arm. "Honestly, can't you think of anything else besides Quidditch? This is a very serious matter. I can't imagine the Dark Lord would be very pleased if he found out his right hand man was at the disposal of his archenemy. We're going to have to be very careful about all this."

"Dumbledore has most of it figured out. He says that Malfoy will be pretending to switch to the side of light for the sole purpose of kidnapping me. Snape is the spy so he can't be the one to do it, that's why Malfoy will be trying to get closer to me and all that rot. He also says that it'll make Voldemort think he's going even more senile in his old age, what with him trusting every person he sees and giving them a second chance." Harry rubbed his scar absentmindedly. "The only thing that will be suspicious is the fact that we're sharing the same quarters. So something is going have to be done about that in case anyone decides to follow one of us."

"But didn't you say that these were in a secret tunnel that was secured by Snape himself? If there's anyone in the castle that can come up with the best traps and locks, it's him. Though I can see what you mean by the both of you going to the same place every night. Isn't there some other entrance to the hallway?" As predicted, the gears in her head were all ready working out all the problems of the plan.

"There should be one in Snape's office. I'll ask him about this tonight when I go down there. Other than that I just have to tell everyone that I'll be having my own rooms for security and training purposes."

Opening his mouth, and then closing it with a click, Ron sat back and crossed his arms. "I don't like that one bit, but if you have to do it, then you have to. Just promise that you'll come to the common room as often as possible. It won't be the same without you there."

Harry laughed at his pouting friend. "All right. So long as you try and not bait Malfoy Sr. too much. I do have to live with the man for the near future. And bonded or not, it won't stop him from ranting about annoying Gryffindors. Anyway, I should start heading back to the rooms, I need to find out more about everything. And I'm sorry but you can't come until Dumbledore says its okay."

Grinning at the sight of both of his friends now sulking, he placed the poofle back in the bag and left the library, unaware of two pairs of eyes watching him.


	10. Mischief Managers

**A/N** Did I say I'd update in a few weeks? Ah, I meant months. I'm trying to make it my goal to write a little bit everyday, so I'll at least have one new chapter up every month, or two. On one of my stories anyway. And I'm not going to make any solid promises for when the next update will be since I know I'll be waaaaaaaaay off.

Oh yes, I've also been working on some other stories that wouldn't leave me alone. Don't know if I'll post them here but I think I'll put the first chapters up at my group or live journal to see what people think of them. So there are about 10 different stories all together. Plus my five original stories to boot.

_Previously:_

_Grinning at the sight of both of his friends now sulking, he placed the poofle back in the bag and left the library, unaware of two pairs of eyes watching him._

**Chapter 10: Mischief Managers**

Back in the Great Hall Lucius was using all of his training as an aristocrat not to jump up and chase after Harry. Not even the nasty glares from Snape or the amused looks from Dumbledore could have made him stay. The only thing that kept him from doing that was the thought of how Harry would be disappointed in him for ruining their plans. So, he sighed and past the time by practicing the patented Malfoy Sneer™ on the unfortunate students below. Luckily, for him, there was only about ten minutes left of dinner so he didn't have long to squirm.

As soon as the last minute was up, Lucius quickly excused himself and fled the dinning hall. Passing his son, he gave him a look that in Malfoy speak meant; 'we'll talk about this later.' Following some innate sense of direction, Lucius found himself back in the hallway to their rooms. He shivered at the thought, their rooms, everything to themselves and no one to bother them. Abruptly he was brought out of his daydreams when he heard hissing in front of him.

Apparently, Harry had reached their rooms just a little before he did and was talking to Salazar. Shivers creeped up his spine as he listened to the sibilant sound. Oh, what that language did to his imagination was absolutely sinful.

_/Hmm, seems like someone has a fetish for a certain snake language./_ Salazar told Harry when he spied the blond spying on them. _/Figures he'd be one for parselsmut./_

Harry made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. _/That was something I didn't needed to know about. Next time you have observations of the sexual kind about the people around me, keep them to yourself. Please./_

Hissing laughter met his request. _/Spoil sport. All right, I'll keep certain comments to myself. For a time anyway. So, has everything been settled?/_

_/So far everything is going good. I've explained to my friends what's happening. And of course, they freaked out properly and then calmed down. The poofle does NOT like being in that moke bag. Not that I can blame it. It _is _something that Dumbledore came up with. Now I just need to figure out how to live with a Death Eater attached to my hip and everything's just grand./_

_/You've wanted to vent that for a while now, haven't you?/ Salazar asked with an amused smile._

_/You have no idea./_ Harry edged away from the blond who had a glazed look in his eye coming ever closer to them. _/Might as well start making these rooms home. I know I'm going to need them to escape from everything quite often./_

Without another word, Salazar opened up for Harry, allowing him to pass through before the blond could get his hands on him. Lucius followed him, nearly making it inside before the portrait slammed closed, almost crushing his nose in the process.

"I need the password for you to enter." Salazar stated stately.

Lucius gaped at the painting. "You just let Harry in without him saying it. Moreover, when is it required for the password to be given for every person who enters? Last time I checked you only had to say it once for an entire group to enter."

"Since these are my rooms and since I don't like you." A sneer more terrible than Snape could ever dream of curled Salazar's lips. "You made the biggest mistake of your life when you angered me this morning, and I will do everything in my power to make your stay here absolutely miserable."

An involuntary shudder went through Lucius at the malicious chuckle that escaped Slytherin. "Animus Serpens."

Salazar stared at him for a long moment, making Lucius think he still wouldn't open up even with the password. Then the portrait slowly swung open, giving him barley enough room to squeeze through. Once inside, the portrait slammed shut, slamming into him and causing him to stumble.

Cussing under his breath, he imagines ways of getting rid of the painting, and then froze when he hears a wonderful sound from in front of him.

"Well, I can see you two will be getting along just fine." Harry laughs, giving him a real smile, causing his entire face to light up.

Lucius did a complete 360 about the portrait and thanked it for giving him this opportunity to see Harry genuinely happy and because of him no less. "Ya, we're getting along jus' great.

Harry crinkled his eyebrows in confusion. "All right, who are you and what have you done with Malfoy?"

"What are you talking about? I'm the same Malfoy you've known all your life." Lucius asked in a puzzled voice.

"I know the bite did all kinds of strange things to you, but you've still spoken like an aristocrat the entire time. Well, at times more like a smashed aristocrat but still an aristocrat. Yet, here you are, almost speaking like Hagrid does."

"I do not speak like some bumbling ill-mannered half-breed." His expression was one that had just bit into a particularly sour lemon. "If you need me, I'll be in my rooms." He then swept away in a regal manner, closing the door behind him with a loud thud.

Wizards and animals blinked at the door in befuddlement. "Had no idea a person who has been bitten could be insulted so soundly that they would be mad at you. Maybe, just maybe, Malfoy has stronger will power than I first thought." Stated Salazar with a wry grin.

_/It is only his pride that is speaking. He _is_ one of our snakes, combine that with his upbringing and history and you have one very prideful serpent./_ Ansem hissed from Harry's shoulder. _/Do not worry though, the power of the bite will not allow him to stay mad at you for long. Most likely he will come to you in the morning like a scolded House Elf and apologize to you./_

Harry sighed dragging a hand through his hair and mussing it even more. "Well, at least I'm starting to see limitations of the bite. Plus I'll know what to expect in the morning. Even if I'd rather not see Malfoy act like a house elf. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, good night."

Salazar bowed his head at the retreating form, thoughts on what the future had in store for them swirling in his mind.

_Knock, knock, knock_

From his door issued the kind of knock someone gave when they didn't want the occupant to hear but had no other choice than to disturb them. Harry, being Harry and a very light sleeper from his years at the Dursley's heard the soft noise, groggily opening his eyes. Unfamiliar surroundings met him making him grip his wand tightly under his pillow. A room done mostly in dark blue with accents of copper decorated in the style of 1,000 years ago reminded him that he was only in his 'new' rooms.

Before he could do much more than throw the covers back, the door eased open and a blond head peeked through. "Harry, may I come in?"

"Sure, why not? Might as well get this over with as soon as possible."

You could practically _feel_ the wince from the blond, making Harry groan mentally at how lovely this morning was all ready turning out to be. And he hasn't even been up for five minutes; he couldn't even wait to see what the rest of the day had in store for him.

Lucius slid in through the door and slowly made his way to the bed. Shuffling his feet and eyes fixed on the ground like a child who had been caught out late at night.

"I'd like to apologize for the way I acted last night, Harry." He said, scuffing his shoe against the floor and wringing his hands in anxiously. "It was highly uncalled for and-"

Harry waved his hand impatiently. "Enough. I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you. Even though we've never liked each other I have known you for a few years and in that time learned all the buttons to push when it came to driving you loony. One of those buttons was about your heritage and being less than perfect. I should have realized that my comment wouldn't have gone over to well with you. Guess habits are hard to break, right?" He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Sorry about all that."

Lucius jerked his head up at the comment, about to say something but was distracted by the vision on the bed. Harry, shirtless, clad only in his boxers, hair a mess from sleep, and looking absolutely edible. He was sure he was drooling slightly, but didn't really care. This image coupled with the memory of parseltounge was going to leave him with very, ahem, delightful dreams tonight.

Pulling himself, regretfully, out of his daze, he noticed the time was close to when breakfast would star. "Perhaps we should head down to the Great Hall, you'll most likely want to speak to your friends and plan how to work everything out. I will have to talk to Draco about this and explain what I'm doing here."

Harry stood up and shooed him out the door. He may have apologized to the man, but that didn't mean he would allow him to stay in the same room while he dressed. Going to the wardrobe made of some kind of light colored wood, Harry opened it and after a moment grunted disgustedly at what he found. Nothing but the types of puffy shirts and frilly jackets that were worn in the days of Henry VIII met his eyes.

"All right, who's responsible for this and where are my real clothes?" Harry asked the empty room.

A quiet sigh met his ears. "It seems you have more brains than most credit you for."

Looking up at a portrait that use to only be landscape, Harry saw Salazar lazily basking in the sun. "I swear you're more snake than human sometimes. As for the clothes? Well, I know for a fact that all of my belongings were brought down here and unpacked. And the only person who could, and would, do something like transfiguring my clothes, is you."

Salazar brightened considerably and gave him a dazzling smile. "Why that's the nicest thing anyone told me, since Godric said my moral conscience is lower than a snake's belly. As for the clothes, blame Rowena. She may be the ultimate book worm, but you _really_ don't want to piss her off. Just be glad that I found a way to weaken the spells otherwise you'd be force to wear those hideous things. All you have to do is close the door and imagine your possessions inside."

Apparently the spell hadn't been weakened as much as Salazar thought for it took a few tries to get rid of all those hideous historical clothes. Grabbing some of his less ratty muggle clothes and school robes he was startled when a burst of flame appeared over his bed, instinctively tossing one of his trainers at the blaze.

An indignant squawk had him freezing in the motion of grabbing his wand. Sitting on the footboard of his bed was a very ruffled looking Fawkes, a few long feathers trapped under his trainer.

"Eh, sorry about that, Fawkes. I've been a little jumpy lately. Is there something you want?"

Fawkes gave him a look that clearly told him he was insane. Throwing the rolled up parchment he carried at the green eyed boy, Fawkes made sure to thump him over the head with his wings before disappearing in another burst of fire. Opening the parchment, Harry quickly read the short note.

_Harry,_

_We'll be having a meeting to sort everything our right after breakfast. Please join us in my office. The password is Snickers._

_Albus Dumbledore_

Tucking the phoenix feathers in a drawer for future use, you never knew when you might need a peace gift for a surly potions master. Dressing quickly he left his room and met a still sorrowful looking Lucius in the sitting room.

"Come on, we've got to met up with Snape and the Headmaster in his office so we can work all the bugs out of our story. And quit sulking already. I told you it's my fault, not yours."

Without waiting for a reply, Harry led the way to the Headmaster's office, taking as many shortcuts as possible. Even then it was well after breakfast when they arrived at the gargoyle. Giving the password they walked up the winding stairs and braced themselves for Albus' meeting.

_A few hours later_

"No, no, you twit, it's counter clockwise not any which way you please!"

It was between classes for the potions master and he had been asked (more like ordered) by the ever benevolent Dumbledore to test Harry and see where his potion skill level was at. If you had asked him, which no one does anymore since they never want to hear the truth, the Potter brat's skill for potions was abysmal. And all just so the little horror could enter his NEWTs potion class. Sadly, it seemed the boy would be getting into the class no matter what he said. Doesn't stop him from taking out all his frustrations on the boy though.

Harry very carefully laid the ladle down so as not to give into to his violent urges. Mainly the one that told him beating Snape over the head with a cauldron would be a good thing.

"And you call yourself a wizard, humph; I've seen muggles with better potion skills than you."

"And I've seen jackals with better manners than you." Harry muttered under his breath.

"What was that you ill-begotten fiend of a child?" Snape snarled, slightly foaming at the mouth.

Harry's survival instincts managed to beat his Gryffindor courage to a pulp before they could get him killed. "Um, it was nothing, sir. Just trying to remember where I went wrong, is all."

Snape stared hard at him for a long moment, most likely contemplating whether it would be worth the years in Azkaban to just turn him into potions ingredients and be done with it. "Then clean up your mess and get out of my sight before I do something you'll regret!"

Moving faster than he would with Voldemort breathing down his neck, Harry had the lab area spotless and everything put away in record time. With the door carefully slammed shut, Harry leaned against it to catch his breath. This was _so_ going to be a long day. A nice stroll across the grounds sounded like a good thing. Perhaps he'd go visit Hedwig, he did have that long overdue letter to his Godfather after all.

Halfway to the Owlrey Harry noticed one of the strangest creatures flying through the air towards him. It had the shape of an owl but had long floppy ears, a small peacock tail and bright orange feathers.

It landed on the ground next to him, giving off a mournful ribbit. When Harry did nothing more than stare, it gave an angry ribbit and shook its leg at him.

"Oh, sorry I didn't know you had something for me." Grabbing the rolled up parchment as quickly as possible, Harry made sure to watch the snapping beak. All he needed now was to be bit by some other strange creature with some horrible curse put on him.

Harry,

'_allo mate, just wanted to-_

drop a note and see how our-

_silent partner was holding up at school._

We have something that-

_needs to be sorted out rather-_

hush, hush like if you know what we-

_mean. If you could meet us in the back-_

room of the shop this weekend around midnight-

_we'd really appreciate it. Oh, and don't worry about-_

Zozo, there, (our wonderfully unique owl) he just-

_ate a couple different experimental candies that-_

were lying around. And apparently some of them-

_don't work so well together. Odd that._

Cheers and good pranking,

_Gred'nFeorge _

Unbelievable, even when writing a letter the Weasley Twins managed to add their own distinctive touch to it.

"I'll come to the Owlrey tonight with the return letter. Though you don't have to wait there if you don't want to, just keep a look out for me alright? That, and I'll bring you one of the special candies that the Twin gave me, now don't give me that look. It's one designed to counter the affects of any of the ones you ate. They gave it to me so they wouldn't get in any trouble from their mom for getting me into trouble."

The owl gave him a pathetically grateful look and flapped off towards the Forbidden Forest. Most likely wanting to stay as far away as possible from other owls. An exasperated sigh and Harry was off to his rooms, having to spend some quality time with his 'luv' before the man came after him.

_Late evening_

Nursing another glass of firewhiskey, Snape stared broodingly into the fire. He had a gut feeling that sooner rather than later, the Dark Lord was going to find out about the plan to fool him about the poofle and Lucius' defection. Not to mention that if his features changed anymore, he'd have to start wearing glamours.

Rubbing his left forearm absentmindedly, he studied his favorite portrait above the mantle. Though it was a magic painting, the figure in it remained so still that even Albus thought it was muggle. Rarely did the man move, even in times of crisis. Yet, all Severus had to do was ask, and the portrait would spring to life.

A faint movement in the shadowy picture brought his attention back to it. "What is wrong this time, youngling? You haven't been this worried since your Sorting when you thought you'd somehow end up in Gryffindor." There was hidden amusement in that soft voice, but Severus knew where to look for it.

"It is only all the events that are taking place. I am not entirely sure we can pull this masquerade off successfully. There are far too many small things that could easily give us away. And then, well I don't even want to think about what will happen when the Dark Lord finds out there are two spies." He raked a hand through his hair uncaring that it made it stand up at odd angles.

"Is if that Potter boy again? You _are_ always going on about how he has the subtlety of a raging graph horn." The amusement was stronger this time; the man had always enjoyed hearing Severus' view of the boy. And Snape was more than happy to rant, uh, that is explain his point of view.

Snape let out a hollow bark of laughter. "As amazing as it may seem, he's actually the one I'm least worried about blowing our cover. That honor belongs to a certain love sick blond. No, Potter wants this to succeed as much, if not more so, than I do. Not that I can blame the boy. If I had Lucius chasing me like a lost puppy I'd do everything in my power to keep him away, too."

Low laughter issued from the portrait and Snape's heart swelled with pride. It had literally been years since he had heard the man laugh, and to hear it now was a marvelous thing. "Careful, Severus your Gryffindor is showing. Keep talking like that and I may get the idea that you actually care for the boy."

At that Snape nearly dropped the glass of brandy, but saved it in time. No way was he going to waste something as precious as alcohol. "Out of all the preposterous things you've said over the decades, that is by far the worst. Though that also might mean I've had a bit much to drink." Peering at the almost empty brandy bottle that he could have sworn was still over half full, Snape decided it was enough for tonight.

As Snape cleaned up his mess, he could feel the eyes of the man watch his every move. And though he was only a painting, Snape could pick up on his emotions as well as any living being. This was the most important man in his life, after all. If it hadn't been for him in the early years of his life, he would most likely have grown to be as Dark Lord in his attitude towards the world.

Placing his hands on the mantle Severus gazed fondly at the one he could let down all his masks and pretenses for. Not even Albus had seen him as this man had, the man he considered more of a father than the one who married his mother.

In the painting, the man raised his cupped hand and traced it down the air, right where Snape's cheek would have been had they been standing in front of each other. "Go and rest now young one. You'll need all your senses about you in a few days."

Clutching his left arm Snape saw the man smile sadly, fingers tracing the air where Snape's chin would have been. For reasons unknown, he had always been good at predicting when something big involving the Dark Lord would happen, and Snape would have to be an idiot to ignore that. Hopefully, it would only be a normal meeting where Lucius and he would have to explain themselves before they were killed, or worse, tortured.

"Thank you, I'll have enough time to prepare everything I need in advance. Goodnight, Father." Then Snape was off to bed, only stumbling slightly from all the alcohol he imbued. And perhaps the reason why Snape felt that the man in the portrait was more of a father to him than that miserable creature that married his mother was, because he was Snape's father.

As the bedroom door shut behind the Head of Slytherin, the portrait sighed. "I do so hope that you do not hate me once all is revealed."

After some Merlyn forsaken snuggling time with Malfoy, and introductions for all the serpents that were in Salazar's room, Harry finally managed to escape the blond when said blond decided it was high time to explain certain things to his son before something bad happened.

That left Harry with the entire place to himself. Something he relished almost as much as flying. The only thing disturbing the quiet was the crackling of the fire and the background buzz of ambient magic. Thus, it was no wonder when Harry was startled out of his light doze when he heard an unfamiliar voice in the room.

_/Sso, you're the one they're all talking about. Always wondered what the big fuss was about. Now I know./_

Jumping up, and in the process sending his homework flying, Harry scanned the room, trying to find the source of the hissing voice. It wasn't Salazar, he'd fallen asleep a while ago, nor was it Ansem who was coiled around his neck and as still as any real necklace. The voice didn't sound like any of the other snakes in the room either, even though he'd just met them.

Aeolus and Cirrus weren't in their portrait. Eurus, Zephyrus and Shamish were basking in their paintings sun. Archelous and Shoney were in their statue mode next to the fireplace. Seker, Notus, Talus, and Almas were all in the library pictures or figurines last time he checked. Then there was Malfoy's cane leaning next to the blonde's bedroom door, tongue flickering at him. Tamesis was with . . .

Hold the owl, Malfoy's cane was flicking it's tongue at him. Since when could it do that?

_/What do you mean 'the one they're all talking about?' Who are they and what are they saying?/ _Harry asked, kneeling in front of the cane for a better look.

It gave out a wheezy hissing laugh. _/Why the silly humans who act all important and wear even sillier costumes. Then there's their leader. The one who thinks he's lord of all two-leggers and scaly people alike. Humph. Needs to get his head examined, that one does, if you ask me. Along with that poor excuse for a serpent he keeps as a pet./_

Working itself into a fit over its little speech, it wheezed violently and nearly toppled over. Catching it before it could hit the floor Harry walked over to the staff stand and placed it safely into one of the slots.

_/Thanks, mate. Need to remember to not get so excited over what I talk about. By the way, my name's Julian. No need to tell me yours,/_ Julian said as Harry opened his mouth to speak._ /I hear it all the time. Harry Potter this. Harry Potter that. Honestly, you'd think they'd have something better to do than chase around a schoolboy all day. Like trying to undermine the Ministry and gain control with no one else being the wiser, perhaps?/_

Harry stared at the cane for a while longer as it continued to mumble to itself. _/Um . . . Julian, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?/_

Julian perked up at that, a silvery gleam entering his usually dull eyes._ /Ask away, mate. Haven't had a decent conversation with someone for ages. Last one was Herpo the Foul. Created the Basilisk you know. The toad was my idea, by the way./_

Blinking at the rate all this information was given to him, Harry decided he might as well start at the beginning. _/Not to be rude or anything, but how old are you exactly?/_

_/Hmm . . . Let's see here. Well I was one of Salazar's first creations. And one of his finest, by the way. And that was when he was still an apprentice, way before Hogwarts was even an idea. So, I'm older than this school, by a few decades at least./_

_/Oh, well . . . Um, how did you become Malfoy's cane?/_

Julian now looked more than a bit irritated. _/I was originally made to be in the possession of Snake-speakers only. However, people who were too scared for their own good, unfortunately many of them in powerful positions, started labeling everything and anything that they didn't understand as dark or evil. The ability of the serpent's tongue had to be carefully hidden. Until it became so obscure that even the ones who had the gift didn't always know about it. So, after that it was any powerful Dark Wizard who liked me that added me to their collection. There's a reason why one's like Malfoy could slip between the lives of the law so easily, you know._

_Mainly, it was Slytherins at first. Then Malfoys, Princes, Notts and a few Parkinsons. The Crabbs and Goyles would never be able to keep me, the lumbering oafs that they were, and probably still are. The Blacks and a Zabini or two. Oh, mustn't forget the Lestranges. That's all I can remember at the moment. There was even a Potter once, too, not very long ago who owned me./_

_/You mean you're older than Hogwarts itself?/_ Hermione would kill to have access to an artifact with that kind of history._ /Wait, a Potter owned you? But you said only Dark Wizards and Witches owned you. There hasn't been a Potter that was Dark for . . . Well, ever./_

Julian, of all things, winked at him. _/Well, the thing is; what the public doesn't know about tends to be forgotten, or even ignored. This Potter didn't want the world knowing about him. For many reasons, least of all his connection to the Princes. By the way, did you know that you smell a lot like him? The Potter who owned me for a brief time./_ The forked tongue flicked out to taste the air as if to emphasize the point.

Harry rubbed wearily at his temples, he was so going to need a headache potion after this. _/So you're saying that there was a Potter who was dark, not all that long ago, who was close to the Snapes, and. . . I smell like him?/_

_/Got it in one. Knew you were smarter than what those White Faces were always saying./_ Julian smiled proudly at him._ /Though with what I've been seeing the past few years it's no wonder they can never catch you. You've turned avoiding people and getting out of tight situations an art form._ _Helps a bit that you've got Luc wrapped around your little finger. However, I think the poofle bite helps though I doubt the veela blood is helping Luc any in this case./_

Harry scowled at the cane. _/People have a tendency of underestimating me and . . . White Faces? Who or what are they, Death Eaters maybe? And-veela?! The Malfoys have veela blood in them?/_ Then Harry paled dramatically when something occurred to him. _/On, no. Oh, please tell me what I'm thinking isn't' true./_ Pacing frantically around the study, holding his head in his hands.

Rolling his eyes, Julian watched as Harry came close to having a nervous breakdown. _/And how can I tell you anything when I don't know what you're thinking? I'm not an Legilimens, you know./_ A devilish smile crossed the silver features. _/Though I do have a very good idea about that little panic attack of your and what caused it. But that information will just have to wait for the time being. I've hadn't had to talk this much in ages and I really need some rest. So, goodnight, young Snake-speaker./_

And with that, Julian went completely still. And no matter how much Harry shook or threatened him, there would be no more answers that night.

Gods, this took far too much time and effort. The entire freaking chapter fought me the whole way word for word. I'll start on the next chapter as soon as possible, though I do want to post one of my other stories first. And they're giving me an even harder time that this one.

Heslestor


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